InKredible Kids
A podcast with Kosher content geared toward empowering Jewish kids of all ages. We interview kids from around the world and have many interactive segments for all kids to enjoy. While having fun and learning new skills, kids will hear about responsibility, empathy, confidence, and more!
InKredible Kids
Brave Beginnings: Practical Advice for Being the New Kid and for Welcoming Someone New
What does it take to start over in a new place? The Stern siblings—Yakov (10), Rina (8), and Toby (5)—know firsthand, having just moved from Miami Beach, Florida to Manchester, New Jersey less than a week before our conversation. Their honest reflections reveal the complex emotions of leaving behind everything familiar: excitement about living closer to extended family, sadness about missing friends, and nervousness about fitting in at a new school.
Each child approaches this transition differently. Yakov proactively seeks out future classmates, gathering intelligence about his new school. Rina worries about being included in games and conversations. Toby packed a framed photo of her and her friend to keep memories close. Their differing approaches remind us that personality, age, and individual resilience all shape how children navigate life changes.
Social worker Avi Kohn, LMSW offers transformative wisdom about transitions, introducing the crucial distinction between confidence and courage. "Confidence comes from experience," he explains, "but courage is what we call upon when we have no confidence yet." This powerful framework helps children understand that feeling uncertain doesn't mean they're doing something wrong—it means they're facing a situation that requires bravery rather than prior experience.
Rabbi Kohn shares practical strategies for both newcomers and those welcoming them. For new children: take initiative rather than waiting for others, be prepared for adjustment to take months rather than days, and respond to potential unkindness with kindness. For welcoming students: remember the mitzvah of being kind to newcomers, recognize that small acts of inclusion can have lasting impacts, and understand that differences may initially feel scary but offer opportunities for growth.
Whether your child is starting kindergarten, moving to a new community, or joining a new activity, this episode provides the emotional vocabulary and practical tools to transform challenging transitions into opportunities for developing resilience. How might calling upon courage today build confidence for tomorrow?
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Hey kids, welcome back to the next episode of the Incredible Kids Podcast. My name is Moritz Ciri and I will be your host. Through this incredible journey, we are going to meet many incredible kids. They are going to share with us their stories, some of them super cool and different like you've never heard before, and some you may say are just ordinary, but all of them incredible. If you have great ideas, email me today at ikidspodcasts at gmailcom. And now it's time for Incredible Kids. It's time for the joke of the day. Yay, today's joke is brought to you by why did a man fall into the well?
Speaker 2:I don't know. Should I tell you, yeah, because he couldn't see that well.
Speaker 1:Hi everybody and welcome back to the next episode of Incredible Kids Podcast. It is now the tail end of the summer and we are really winding down over here getting ready for school. You guys know it's coming. It comes all the time. It comes every September. It's important that we address school related topics at the time when we need to, and so this topic is actually titled Brave Beginnings. That's because I wanted to apply for people in any situation that they're in. So, yes, we will talk about being new to school, but also many new situations come up and you are going to love the episode.
Speaker 1:This week's episode is brought to you by the Nefesh Inspired Kids Health Challenge, summer 2025. It starts now. Last year, I encouraged so many of you guys to join the Nefesh Inspired Challenge. It is a health challenge where you only could win from it. You don't have to pay for it. This is something that everybody can do. So you're going to check it out at nefeshinspiredcom. Nefeshinspiredcom, there are prizes for people who do all different sorts of health challenges, and you'll hear more about that soon, and I want to be the first to let you know that the entire Incredible Kids merch inventory. That means that all of the tehillims, t-shirts, fanny packs, baseball caps, camp bags all the things that you love are now all 25% off using the code LASTLICS all capital letters. On the website at checkout, no exceptions. But wait till you hear this. Our brand new zip up hoodies in children's sizes and in adult sizes are limited edition. That means when they sell out, we will not be making more of them, and for the first time ever, they are available online to buy, included in the 25% off sale. So run to incrediblekidsorg.
Speaker 1:These sweatshirts are perfect for back to school. The children's ones are made out of a delicious fleece on the inside and have a black embroidered Incredible Kids logo on it. Maybe you could even wear them in your school. And the adult ones are a little bit of a different fabric. They're lightweight, comfortable. As a mom, this is what I put on for carpool An amazing layer. And they come in dad sizes too, and our Incredible Kids dad loves wearing his Incredible Kids sweatshirt. It's sharp, it's subtle, it's what they call that modern black on black look. That's supposed to be super cool. So go check it out, incrediblekidsorg. Use the code all in big letters Last Licks, because that's it, summer's over, and this will be until it lasts or through the next few days.
Speaker 1:This episode is coming out on Sunday. You snooze, you lose. After this week, sale will be gone. Okay, just something important you should know is that people have asked me do you still send out emails about how to answer the question of the week or how we can submit a joke, how we can even be in an exclusive storytime episode? And the answer to that is go to incrediblekidsorg website and there is a tab that says future episodes and there you'll find all of the relevant information for maybe being part of a future episode.
Speaker 1:Remember the maybe because, baruch hashem, we have so many children who want to be part of it and we try to give as many chances as we can. In the first part of this episode, you are going to hear my conversation with three of the Stern siblings who just experienced a big life change. Social worker who is going to give us a lot of very practical advice about what all kids can do in new situations and to help include people who are in the new situation. I hope this is going to be something that is going to be eye-opening and mind-expanding for all of us, and I hope you enjoy wherever you're listening to this episode, whether you are traveling somewhere in the car or sitting in the comfort of your own home or wherever you are in the universe. I am so happy that you're here, so listen well and enjoy. We asked our listeners what have you done to welcome a new kid at school? Here's what they had to say.
Speaker 2:Hi, my name is Ricky. I'm 10 years old. Last year there was a new one in my class. And's what they had to say. We'll get used to the things we do in our house. Hi, my name is Khamir and I'm 11 years old. What I did to welcome a new girl? We let her choose whatever she wanted to do. First. My name is Reena, 10 years old, and a new kid came to my house. I was like playing with her and including her in the game so she wouldn't feel left out because she doesn't really have any friends. Thank you, have a great day.
Speaker 3:Hi, my name is Alan and I'm 13 years old. What I do when there's a new kid at school? To have a party for them.
Speaker 2:Hi, my name is Razzy. I'm 11 years old and once before school I knew that I was going to get a new classmate and she was my sister's front sister. So my mother arranged with me to have played it with her. I remember the first day of school. She already knew me and it wasn't so hard for her. Hi, my name is Dina and I'm 12 years old. My name is Yoharis and I'm 10 years old, and what we do to welcome a new girl at school? We be extra nice.
Speaker 1:Hi everyone. Stern Kids, welcome to Incredible Kids and I can't wait to get to know you guys. So who do we have here? Let's start. Oldest to youngest, Introduce yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm Yakov Stern and I've moved from Florida to Manchester, New Jersey.
Speaker 1:Okay. So, hi, yakov, how old are you? 10. Okay, and who's after you? My name is Rina and I'm eight years old. So, rina, you're eight. Okay. So, yakov, you're 10. Okay, and who's after you? My name is Rina and I'm eight years old. So, rina, you're eight. Okay, so, yakov, you're 10.
Speaker 1:What grade are you going to be in this year? I'm going to fifth. Okay, you'll be in fifth grade. You have to get used to saying it, right, it's like going into fifth, it's like you'll see pretty soon You'll just say fifth, rina. What about you? Third, okay, and then what's your youngest sister's name over there? My name is Toby and I'm five years old. So Toby is five. And Toby, are you going to be also going into school this year? What grade will you be in?
Speaker 1:Primary, Primary. That's a confusion for people not in Lakewood, right? Yeah, primary is something they made up in Lakewood, but I know enough people to know that that's the same thing as kindergarten or pre-1A, depending on what. It's very confusing. It's kindergarten for us, correct, like from where you came from. In Florida, for sure, was kindergarten In Baltimore, it's kindergarten, but in, like Muncie and maybe like Passaic, they say pre-1A. But the rest of the world, like public schools and like day schools and out of town communities. For sure, call it kindergarten.
Speaker 1:And, by the way, toby, do you know that I used to be a kindergarten mora? Fun fact, that's my favorite age. Sorry for everyone else, but five-year-olds turning six is my favorite favorite age. I was a kindergarten mora for 10 years straight, mostly for girls only. So kindergarten girls or primary girls, whatever you want to call it, was my age for so long. And then when I started, incredible Kids. Just now I talk to everybody, so I hope you have such a great year in school for all of you guys. So, yakov, rina and Toby have big news to share. Well, you kind of spoiled it a little bit, right, yakov? Tell us once again, you guys just moved this past Wednesday. Okay, so we're recording this right now, on Sunday, yeah, and I am seeing right now a Svarim shelf behind you. Yeah, I am very impressed. We unpacked a lot. I mean, that's usually the thing that people wait for, the last Like. I feel like people like first unpack their kitchen and then, like the Svarum are just in boxes forever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we unpacked a lot. Both of my grandparents came to help and tons of people came. Are they local? The grandparents, both of them, live in Brooklyn, okay so, but I think they stayed in Lakewood for Shabbos, so Okay.
Speaker 1:So Wednesday, thursday, friday, Shabbos, sunday this is the fifth day you're in your new house, yeah, so where did you move from Florida? Where in Florida? Miami Beach, not North Miami Beach, just Miami Beach. Yes, okay, miami Beach. To where are you in now? Miami Beach, not North Miami Beach, just Miami Beach. Yes, okay, miami Beach. So where are you in now? Manchester, manchester, people who are familiar with Lakewood know that Manchester is now an extension of Lakewood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not. Yeah, you could call it Lakewood, but it's like right outside Right.
Speaker 1:So I'm saying but like in general, like if you were like telling people where you live, like you might say Manchester, but then you'd be like it's nearly good, like not Manchester, england, you know yeah. And if it's like you're moving to England, I'm sure Miami Beach. Everyone was confused, probably had to explain yourself a lot Before you moved. Did you go? Have you ever seen Manchester before? Or just like your parents went? My mother's?
Speaker 1:friend lives in Manchester, so we visited her oh, it wasn't your first time going. No, let's go back a bit, because you're really only like not even five days into being a New Jersey resident. So let's go back in time a bit. Were you all born in Miami?
Speaker 2:Was there somewhere else. I was born in City Ward Hills. Both of us, me and Rina you were born where, I think City Ward Hills. Where is that? I was born in Lakewood. I was born in City Ward Hills. Both of us me and Reno you were born where, I think City Ward Hills. Where is that? I think in Lakewood. Oh, so you were born in Lakewood. Yeah, but Toby and my younger sister were born in Florida.
Speaker 1:Okay, so how many years was your family, whole family, living in Miami? Eight For eight years. That means, yaakov, you were two when you moved. Yeah, and Reno's like in her months. Okay, so you don't even remember life before Miami? Probably, yeah, I don't remember anything.
Speaker 2:I saw snow once. I never really saw real snow, like even when I was two years old, but that doesn't really count.
Speaker 1:Do you know why your family moved to Miami to begin with? Because there was a colal. We went to a colal. You were part of the colal Heather. I guess was learning in the KOL-AL there. What's a KOL-AL?
Speaker 2:A place where people like learn in the day, like if you go to the KOL like 2.30 to about 6.15, like everyone's learning Like a regular show. Like I went to my cousin's show and the Rav like was a seller and he was a therapist oh, he's a Rebbe and a therapist. Brushes Shiva and hair stylist stylist stock market analyst and a couple things I might have missed. Well, like the raw pop of the cola, like he only has one job because he's like always by the cola.
Speaker 1:You're saying that a cola is unique because there's always people learning there Got it. It's not like they're just like busy with like other things. Necessarily, it's people who are completely dedicated to learning as their job. Basically, it's very cool. Do you guys know what Adi Rehatorah is? No, well, you'll learn about it soon because I feel like it's a big Lakewood thing.
Speaker 1:But I was just in Lakewood for Shabbos not when you were there, when you were still in Miami. Actually, the week before my sister-in-law had on the shelf in their house they had a book that they made in Lakewood to teach kids about how important it is to have a father who learns in yeshiva or in a kolal. Usually when a father's learning, it's called kolal right. So they were saying like that D-Rayat Torah is an organization that like supports people learning Torah all day, like you were just describing like what your father did in Miami. So they were saying how beautiful it is and it was a book that was made for children to say like how special it is that like Torah is the most important thing in the world. It was like made for children but it was like very fancy, like it had like really cool pictures of like people learning in places around the world.
Speaker 1:Miami Cola was not in it, but it doesn't mean any less Right, exactly, and, by the way, like, one thing that I'm very into is that you know, we have our ways of learning Torah and we think our way of learning Torah is like the best way of learning Torah, but there's so many different types of Jews and they all. It's an amazing thing that, like, they also could love learning Torah, but they could look totally different. They don't necessarily wear a white shirt and black pants and a hat, like sometimes they wear a kippah surga or they, you know, like a different. They may look different, but we all love to learn Torah and we're all holding up the world together. It's really an amazing thing. So maybe they'll make a book like that next, you know.
Speaker 2:And even some fathers that like, let's say, have work, like there's each, each part of work, could do stuff to other people, like, let's say, a father's becoming a social worker. Social worker is a misfit to help people have like a normal life, totally.
Speaker 1:That's literally what a social worker is. They help people manage their lives, exactly. It's beautiful. Well, okay, so you guys lived in miami for eight years and then came some news. I'm assuming, when did you find out that miami is no longer going to be your family's residence?
Speaker 2:I. I think we actually found out like pretty after my parents found out. When was that? I think it was like in the beginning of the year.
Speaker 1:Okay, so they didn't just like tell you like a few days ago, like, by the way, we're moving, no, no, Okay, good, that would be very unsettling. Yeah, what happened when they told you?
Speaker 2:I forgot. But one thing I do remember. I was like confused, like we're moving, like we've been here for eight years, like what does the other part of the world look like? You didn't know what it looks like, well expression.
Speaker 1:It's just an expression. You were so comfortable where you were. Yeah, did you have a lot of friends in Miami?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I actually had no one that comes to my school. I used to have a kid but he knew. So, like no one made me teach, I went to, was in my class, but I still had friends there that went to my school and I still had friends there.
Speaker 1:What about you? When you were in second grade, were you totally comfortable in Miami and happy there? I had two friends, but they lost their family, right, but in your class at school did you have friends there that you were like worried about missing? Yeah, how did you feel when you found out that you were moving, Rina?
Speaker 2:I felt nervous happy and sad.
Speaker 1:Okay, those are a lot of normal feelings to feel when you find out any kind of news.
Speaker 2:You want to explain why you were a little nervous or a lot nervous. I wasn't sure if I was going to have a lot of friends that go to my school near where I live.
Speaker 1:You were nervous about like where you were moving to, that you wouldn't have those friends, that you wouldn't have like a good good group of friends. Okay, and why were you happy?
Speaker 2:Because, I'm going to be near, like all my cousins.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a very good. You said both sets of grandparents live within, I don't know, an hour or two away.
Speaker 2:We have no relatives in Florida. All my relatives live in Lakewood and New York that area- Well, they probably visited you, I would imagine. Yeah, a few did.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:One of our cousins actually came to our house for a Pesach. We were away but so we saw it was for seconds. I'm sorry, but we just saw them for like one like one day.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, they were just excited to be in Miami, probably, exactly. They're like we have cousins there, we don't need to see them. Goodbye We'll, I will take your house. No, I'm kidding, I'm sure they're really nice. You had one more feeling you said. You said you were also sad. What made you sad?
Speaker 2:Because I don't really know, this was fun. Yeah, Like this was my house, my like everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah totally makes sense. It's very good to be sad because that means that you had full eight years of great. But if you're so happy, that means you had like full eight years of horrible, like sadness, like you didn't like your community. So you're moving to a place where you're very happy with and you're sad. And you're very happy that you moved because you don't like the old place. It's good to be sad because then you know that the past few years that you were living where you were, you were very happy there. If you're sad that you're moving, that means it's good, it means that you had a full eight years of greatness.
Speaker 1:That is such a cool perspective. I totally understand what you're saying. You're saying if somebody's, if somebody's sad, it's okay, it's just a sign that you're going to miss something great. That means you're lucky you that you're. You know what you're leaving behind was so amazing and you had such a great experience, like almost like if you were too happy about it. It's like wait, like you're not going to miss anything. You know like was it that terrible? Right? Same thing with your friends. Imagine your friends were like you're leaving. Yes, how would you feel? I'd be like upset.
Speaker 1:You'd be, like, excuse me, but I don't think that that's what happened to you, right? Did anyone do anything nice for you when you left town? Yeah, my class made me a goodbye party, surprise one. Ooh, when was it? At the end of the school year?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I even brought something for her, because they said it was for my teacher. Like it was probably for my teacher. And my rebbe called me up and he's like did I ever give you a nachas call? And I'm like no, and I'm like what's a nachas call? And then he brought me to the trip, like to like this place, and then my whole class shot those confetti at me.
Speaker 1:It's so much to celebrate. So he like, totally just like, pranked you and like you, you brought like Nash for your own party. Yeah, did your mother know about it? Like, when you asked her for something to bring, did she hop that it was for you. Nope, my daddy called my father. Oh, okay, that is so hilarious, did you like it? Some people don't like surprises. Are you a surprise person?
Speaker 2:I happen to be, don't like too much attention, but that was pretty fun because that was like my first thing. We had tons of other ones, we had a whole kiddish. My neighbors made me a party For you or for the whole family, for the whole family.
Speaker 1:So nice. What about the girls, toby? Did your friends say goodbye to you? Yeah. What did they do for you? Did they say like, oh goodbye, yeah. Did they give you like a treat? Toby gave them a treat. You did, yeah. What did you give them? A lollipop? You gave a lollipop, a goodbye present to everyone. Yeah, and I also got one, and you also got one. That's a good thing. That would be very sad if you didn't keep one for yourself. What type of lollipops were they? Good choice, reno. What about you? Did your friends do anything nice for you? They made a book for me, and where do you keep it?
Speaker 2:I don't really know now, because I don't know where it is. I'm doing so much boxes.
Speaker 1:But oh yeah, I forgot about that. I'm so used to looking at your organized bookshelf behind you that I forgot that. Like there's probably a lot of stuff in boxes though. Okay, practical question Did you guys help with the packing?
Speaker 2:Toby and Yakko's camp started two days before me, so the two days that I helped my mother- pack.
Speaker 1:You went to camp in Miami for some of the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for three weeks I packed all my stuff and then by the nighttime I packed some stuff from home.
Speaker 1:So you packed some of your stuff. Yeah, I packed some of my stuff in. Do you know how many boxes it took to pack up your family? More than 100. More than 100. That makes sense After eight years of living. Did you give anything away? Or you packed most things?
Speaker 2:We gave stuff away, we threw stuff out and my mother gave food to the neighbors Food, yeah, like all, like we're not, we didn't. We brought like half of our stuff my little child using up. Like like the week before my mother didn't like buy anything for like supper and like that. She just used the stuff that were in the freezer because we wouldn't have such a great freezer on the road.
Speaker 1:Right, for sure. Did you drive or fly? We drove.
Speaker 2:We took a whole big road trip for these.
Speaker 1:We stopped by a hotel every night. That's so fun. Where did you stop? Because between Miami and Leakwood you have to go through a few states, Right?
Speaker 2:So on Florida. We went to this place called Boomers. Okay, we had a barbecue and then we went to a hotel and then, when we went to Georgia, we went on like the Surrey bikes. Next day we went to a museum In Atlanta. No, I don't think we. I think we. We didn't really go to Atlanta. We went to Florida, georgia, south Carolina, north Carolina, virginia, maryland, and we passed by New Jersey and then we went to New York. Wow, yeah, we went to Washington.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, right, yeah, you went to New York first. You're saying, before you came, yeah, I went to horse racing.
Speaker 2:Then you went where Toby Horse racing Horse racing yeah, you vote for a horse in a parade and then they race. Where was that? In what state that was in?
Speaker 1:I think Maryland yeah Cool, that was your favorite thing. The horse racing, yeah. Did you sing Fishy Swishy, yum, yum, yum to the horses? No, what a missed opportunity. We passed a horse trailer on the highway so we started to sing you Can Bring a Horse to the Farbringan. You know that song? Oh, yeah, of course. What else are you supposed to sing to horses?
Speaker 5:You can bring a horse to the Farbringan and you can also make him sing, Sing, sing, Sing, sing, sing sing sing, sing.
Speaker 3:You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink. Who made that up? Dr Seuss, adams and McTasey no sheikhs.
Speaker 1:All right. So you guys are getting ready for the school year. Probably Is that on your mind. Yes, we are ready, but we don't want to leave as time gets closer to school starting. What is on your mind? As time gets closer to school starting, what is on your mind? You must feel something. You're getting a new uniform. Oh my gosh, you are so prepared. You just got to Lakewood like four seconds ago. She actually got them the day we moved. Oh, wow, okay, that's great, that's exciting, though you probably didn't wear a uniform in Miami because you were still in nursery school, right, right, yeah, this is my first time wearing uniforms. First time, very cool. So, yakov, how do you feel about starting a new school coming in, especially since you're coming in now as a fifth grader?
Speaker 2:I'm excited because I heard a lot of good stuff about the school. For example, my cousin walked in and he had like colored shoes which you're not allowed to wear, and the principal came over to him and he said by the way, you're not allowed to wear the shoes, but do they have that pair in my size?
Speaker 1:Aw. So you're saying like even though, like they have rules, they're nice yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my friend was once like having like a hard day. He runs out to the hallway and then his Rebbe and assistant principal said do you want to race? And then the principal at the school, rabbi Vash, said I'll be the ref when they race down the hallway. That's adorable and I know a few other stories. So I'm getting prepared to like find kids that go to the school. I actually found one that's my age in Manchester here and that go to the school. I actually found one that's my age in Manchester here and yeah, now where are you finding them? I'm finding kids like, oh, does he?
Speaker 1:also go to Chagasarie. That's a new school, so you're basically meeting kids outside and you're just like asking, like who goes to the school that I'm going to Sounds like you're being very proactive. Some kids would not do that. I already met tons of the boys. Like I feel like I'm not a new kid anymore amazing, oh, and, by the way, like that level of confidence is definitely very cool but, at the same time, like you're probably like aware that there's going to be things that you weren't prepared for. Like it's almost impossible to know everything about a new place until you're actually there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I asked the kids that go to the school like any questions about like what, like what to expect Like what learning are you up to Like? What are you up to there? They're actually very ahead of me in like Chumash. Okay, but that I'm not worried about, you'll catch up.
Speaker 1:Yes, you already kind of feel like you're not going to be the new kid. That's like completely just like sitting there at your desk Like help anything, I don't know anybody, because you're doing your best to like beat that a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm a little bit cool because I have a new kid and I don't have a new kid Like. She's going to primary and primary, so everything's new, correct.
Speaker 1:So for Toby it's different, because for Toby, a lot of the kids are not going to know each other. It's going to be like new for everyone. So you're right, everyone's in the same situation. So they'll be like oh, I went to this mower last year. I went to this mower and you're like I was in Miami, like they're going to be like what's Miami? Is it down the block? And what about you, rena? What are your thoughts on being a new kid? I didn't really think about. It's going to be like but when you're there on the first day, what are you hoping is going to happen when you get there?
Speaker 2:I'm hoping that people will just be like nice to me.
Speaker 1:What do you hope that they'll do to be nice to you?
Speaker 2:Include me in their games because, like I feel like they'll be playing with the other kids and be talking about, like, staring at me, I don't feel so included, like you'll feel left out because you're like I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1:It would probably take a very sensitive girl or sensitive kids to realize like there's a really cute new girl here and she doesn't know about the stuff that happened before this year. So either we'll tell her about it or we'll include her and do something else, you know her and do something else.
Speaker 2:You know guessing that like not everyone's gonna be schmoozing, thinking like, maybe let's say like this girl does a project, and then people are saying, oh, we did it last year. Like I'm not thinking every single day. People are gonna be every single kid. People are gonna be talking. Also, once I find a friend like, and that she'll be playing with me, like she won't be schmoozing to me about it, because, like I won't say like right, last year we did that. Because like I wasn't there.
Speaker 1:She'll know that I wasn't there. I mean, eventually, when you make friends, you could also share with them about what happened to you last year, because she doesn't know about that either, and you could kind of be like in my old school they did blah, blah, blah. Like you know, we did something similar or we have such a different experience. You have things to share about life in Miami that your friends might be interested to find out about, but you also don't want to like, come in and be that kid that says like, and I don't think this is your type, but like you know those kids who come in and they're like in my old school we did blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:When I was little, I used to read the Magic School Bus. Do you know the Magic School Bus? Yeah, and there was. I forgot which person used to always say in my old school, one of the characters always said that and like it was annoying. It was like hey, we heard you. You know, in your old school, you did that At my old school we turned back in this kind of weather.
Speaker 2:At my old school we were never allowed to be digested. At my old school we weren't allowed to bring the sun to class. At my old school we always had to stay in the bus if we ate lunch in the ocean.
Speaker 1:But it's okay to like share some stuff and and also be like ready to learn about them. And I love, love, reena, how you said that you're not expecting everyone to be schmoozing with you tons, because that wouldn't be normal, like you're expecting people to be normal at the same time and like they might be shy also. Right, and also the new kid gets a lot of attention.
Speaker 2:Like I've had new kids in my class. I kind of don't like to be the new kid. Like then I always feel bad for the other kids, like give them as much attention as me. Sometimes I would get upset that that we had a new kid because, like, everyone gave him so much attention, so that I'm happy. But now I'm gonna be thinking, now I'm gonna be the one that's gonna need so much attention. I don't think like anyone's gonna want to be mean to me.
Speaker 1:Okay, maybe next year some kids will start being like you're saying if they're gonna be mean to you, they'll wait a little bit. Yeah, let's not like traumatize this new child here. Hopefully nobody will be mean to you guys ever. But I hear you're saying Like usually the Rebby or the Mora, like they're told in the beginning, like there's a new kid in your classroom, look out for them because they may have adjustment issues, you know. And then like all day long they might be asking you like how are you doing? And like you just want to be normal. You know, I hear that. But some kids really need that.
Speaker 1:So there's a reason why they do that, reason why they do that Everyone's different. But I guess the way that you respond to it, like if someone keeps treating you like you're different because you're new, and eventually you're just like so normal about it, you're going to stop. You know they're going to realize, like whether it's a teacher or another kid, and sometimes they mean well, but if someone's being annoying about it, then eventually they'll probably stop because they'll realize that it's not necessary. But even between you, yakov and Rina you guys are only two years apart, but I could see that you have different personalities and you're already approaching this differently, you know. So everyone's different.
Speaker 2:Manchester's a very new community, like there's someone that moved like four weeks ago, and like they're considered like the old people, because there's always new people there, like every week there's a new person. So that's something that I'm happy about.
Speaker 1:That's good, yeah. So at least in your neighborhood you're not going to be the new boy. Yeah, because it's such a popular area now that, like there's always new people moving in, you're going to be making a tray of cookies for your neighbors and you didn't even unpack anything yet.
Speaker 2:You know it's like hold on. Let me first unpack my mixer. There's a kid that moved like I don't know how many years ago, like love, like a new group, like can't move. Like two and a half years ago, even that they even sell boxes um, they were a family that like lives across the street from us and they just moved in like, like, but they moved a little before us and like it feels so weird because, like they're the new people and they're coming to us like that is weird. When did they move in? Like four weeks ago? So they're like old-timers, they're coming to us.
Speaker 1:That is weird. When did they move in? Like four weeks ago. So they're like old timers, they're like, oh, welcome. But you know what, sometimes those people because they okay, obviously they're new, we know they're new, the four weeks is nothing, right, but obviously those people like understand what they needed when they moved and now they're a little bit more settled, so they they're so fresh off of moving that they could be very helpful. Like, for example, on my block where I live here in Baltimore, there are a few new families who moved in this week or the last few weeks, right, so one family was like saying how they became very good friends with the other family both of the new families and they were like sharing moving boxes.
Speaker 1:No, no, I'm saying because they were just in it. So like they remember it's very fresh for them, whereas like, let's say, for me, like I'm their neighbor, I've been here already for a few years, really I should be the one helping them. But like they're being more helpful to each other because they're in it, they like remember what it's like, you know. So you're an opportunity now that, like when more people move in school starts. I just saw someone when I'm back, you could be like the welcoming committee. You're like I get this like, especially if you don't want that reputation of the new kid and like you'll, very soon they'll think you were like the mayor of the community. I feel like that's in your future. I feel like you're like already like a little bit of the mayor of the place. There's definitely always challenges with being new. What do you guys think some of those challenges could be that might come up? Moving away from a place?
Speaker 2:that you loved and going somewhere that things are different. I think, like that in Lakewood, like kids are a little like ahead of kids in Florida. So like in learning, yeah, but like I'm up to say for Shemos, my school's up to say for Valleca, that's one challenge I'm going to have. I'm not really worried so much about it because people can help me with it. My father can help me learn, maybe we'll learn even more.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. What about you, Rina? Do you have any challenges that you think might happen or things that you think might be hard in school or at home or in the neighborhood?
Speaker 2:I think catching up to the people in my class did will be like a little diverse for me, so also school-related.
Speaker 1:Are you worried at all about like missing anything back in Miami or missing your own room or something or where you're comfortable?
Speaker 2:I want to miss the co-op. Yeah, I want to miss, like friends and stuff.
Speaker 1:You're going to miss your friends. Yeah, toby, did you pack anything special that reminds you of your friends? Did you pack, like, any special toy that you have or a project that you made? No, no.
Speaker 2:I packed a picture of me and my friend that we took a picture of, that we put it in a picture frame so I could remember.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's very sweet. I love that. I remember when our neighbors moved away a few years ago. We made them a pillow with pictures on the pillow, so they remember how the kids were friends. Things like that are just sometimes fun and cozy to remind you how much you're loved.
Speaker 2:One of them would call us on a pillow and we got to bring it home.
Speaker 1:Oh, so you've done a pillow project before, Okay, so we took pictures that our friends made. You took pictures also with your friends. She didn't take pictures, she's like friends colored. Oh, that's so fun. I want to end off. There are so many kids, by the way, that Hi, shlomo, you want to say hi? Still in pajamas. Should I tell you their names? Okay, this is Toby. Say hi, toby. This is Rina and Yakov. Put your face in the camera. We can't see you. Yakov, shlomo's best friend's name is Yakov, right? Shlomo's joining the interview because he walked in here. Do you want to go to Aba now? No, are you going to be quiet? Okay, we'll see if it lasts. We're almost finished, right, guys? I want to end off with. Each of you can tell everyone listening one piece of advice that you would give to another kid who's either about to move or just moved, like in your situation, who's going to be a new kid this year starting school in the neighborhood. What could you help other kids know?
Speaker 2:I would say that you should always be like. You should always be yourself. Like, let's say, in Florida, like kids like to play a lot of sports. Like, let's say, if I moved to Florida I shouldn't well, you could always try to play sports, but I shouldn't like try too much or like the whole year just trying to play sports and all effects. If it actually like it's not what you do, you could try to do it. It's always good to try, but you should always be yourself. You should never change yourself to say like oh I, because this is the most popular kid in this place. You should always be yourself. I would say it's okay to be nervous, it's normal and you'll eventually have lots of friends.
Speaker 1:Love that, Toby. What do you want to tell children who are also going to move?
Speaker 2:Like hopefully you have something to do right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's very important to say. Also, sometimes it takes time, right, you might have days that are happy and you might have days that are harder, or both. Right, like we know that feeling of feeling a lot of things and it's going to happen. You will find the friends. You will feel there will be a time maybe it'll be a few days, weeks, months but pretty soon you will feel like you're one of the class and you will probably forget that you were a new kid. You won't forget your old life. You'll still remember Miami, you'll remember your old friends, but it will feel very normal that you are now living in Manchester going to a new school.
Speaker 1:Everybody's always a new kid, like everybody had the challenge to always be a new kid Correct, exactly, most people have that at some point. New shul, a new camp there's always something. A new baseball league. I hope, yakov, you find some good places to play sports, though. If you're good at sports, yeah, the boys hang out somewhere. Yeah, I'm sure you'll figure something out. You'll get to know the hack on the block pretty quick. Right, I already do. I wasn't worried. You guys are so great. Thank you for sharing with us about your new move experience to all of you, toby and Rina and Yakov, and I wish you a year at Merza Shaman School this year of a good, smooth getting used to the new school, a new adjustment. I hope you have great teachers who appreciate you and that you can learn from, and kids in your class classmates who are good friends for you that bring out the best in you. Thank you, you're so incredible.
Speaker 1:Hi everybody, today I want to tell you about something really fun happening right now. It's the Nefesh-inspired Kids End of Summer Health Challenge. Don't worry, even if you're late to join, it doesn't matter, because every single day counts. For two weeks, from August 20th through September 3rd, kids all over are becoming healthy heroes, with simple, fun challenges that every single one of us can do each day, things like eating veggies, drinking water, going for a walk or even just getting a good night's sleep. Every healthy habit earns you points, and the more points you get, the more chances you have to win awesome prizes in the Grand Raffle on September 4th. And here's the best part, it's completely free. You can join any day. You can skip a day. Still get credit for the days that you do. Plus, there are extra points when you dive in for good health, because taking care of our bodies is all part of our Avodah Hashem.
Speaker 1:Listen, guys. As a mother, I definitely want my kids signed up for this. Why not? It's such a great way to end off the summer feeling strong and healthy and ready for that brand new school year. You're going to need that energy, trust me. So how do you join? Just go to nefeshinspiredcom to print your chart, join the WhatsApp group for reminders, bonus prizes and then start checking off those habits. Let's remember that, at its core, being healthy can be fun, meaningful and something all of us can do together as a family. Sign up today at nafeshinspiredcom and let's make this the healthiest end of summer yet. Rabbi Avi Cohen, welcome to Incredible Kids Podcast. I am so excited to host you here today as a scholar in residence, a social worker in residence, and first I'll give you an opportunity to introduce yourself and also we have had social workers on the show before, different kinds, different people, but I want you to give us also, just like a quick understanding of what you do as well. So just start at the beginning who you are, what you want us to call you.
Speaker 4:Thank you very much, mardziri, for having me on the Incredible Kids podcast Very exciting. I live in Detroit. I'm a school social worker in Tahrir Torah. It's actually the school that I went to as a kid, so I'm the school social worker in the school that I that I went to.
Speaker 4:Definitely an experience, and so I've been there for like five years. I have an office. It's the fun office. It's the safe office. It's the place that people come to hide from the principal if they're in trouble. Talk about their bad day, play a game, have a good time.
Speaker 1:That's the job of a social worker. They help people hide from the principal.
Speaker 4:That's not the job, but that's definitely. You know it's. I always tell the kids it's a safe place and there's no such thing as getting in trouble here. You know what I mean. So if you're hiding, then you're hiding.
Speaker 1:I guess that's a good. At least in your school they know, they know. If you know somebody goes missing, they know where to look for them. Once upon a time I was a kid, when I was little. If somebody went to the school social worker's office then it was very embarrassing and like I remember the kids who used to need to go to the social worker because they had this like big problem. They would run into the office quickly, close the door. Nobody saw me, you know.
Speaker 1:And what I see now, now that it's a hundred million years later, is that, baruch Hashem, there's kids who go to the social worker for an array of different things. So many different things could be discussed with a social worker in a school specifically as well. It could be fun, like you said, and exciting because they're getting answers to everyday, normal struggles that they have and there's really no need to be embarrassed. Maybe there are still some children who find it embarrassing, but I think, at least in my kids' school here in Baltimore, it's completely normal Like they go to the social worker and they talk about an issue that they're having with friends, and sometimes it's a bigger, bigger thing, like something going on in their family or with like themselves that they were trying to work out, and sometimes it's just a smaller thing, but I love that. It's something that people could remember is there to help them and why not use that Like? I'm so happy to see that things have changed? Yeah.
Speaker 4:I mean there's definitely different types. Like you know, certain kids, they know they remember their time and they come. You know, they just walk out of class and they come. I am off the beaten path. It's not directly in the main hallway and privacy is an important part of it because people only feel comfortable to talk about harder things if it's more private. So we definitely want to keep it private. Some kids they're like yeah, you can come to the class and pull me out, and some kids ask the secretary to call them and then it looks like they're going to leaving for a doctor's visit.
Speaker 4:But if there's ever a kid who, like you know, they're not sure if they want to come, their parents saying that they should come, I always say tell them to come once and then see if they want to come again. And I don't think I've had a case that they didn't want to come again. Oh great, they see, it's like this is normal, this is cool, this is nice, like this is fine, like I'm not sure what the whole big deal was. And a little clue is, if you ever find there was always a few kids who, like make a lot of fun of the social worker or whatever it is. It's unfortunate, but they're the most afraid of their feelings. So that's a clue. Anyone who's very against the social workers and makes a lot of fun of them I mean don't make fun of them. But you could know that you can handle it.
Speaker 4:You know that they're. They're just very afraid of their feelings.
Speaker 1:I don't think you can handle it. You, as a social worker, you're like that's okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's actually not a good thing for me.
Speaker 1:But it's a clue that if there's a child who's like, oh, this is so silly, whatever, it's not going to help me. I don't get why anyone needs to go.
Speaker 4:Maybe that kid could benefit from a little bit of one make fun of those kids who make fun of the social worker? No, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:It's actually funny because I'm going to tell you what we're doing here today. I mean, you know, but I'm going to introduce it to everybody At this point in the podcast we interviewed a very sweet, cute family three of the siblings who just moved. They're having a normal life challenge of moving from one city to another and amongst the three children, they have different feelings about it and they're starting a new school, they're starting a new community, they're starting new neighbors, they're leaving a place where they've known their whole lives and they have a lot of different feelings about it. And we discussed that. And actually it's interesting.
Speaker 1:The boy brought up that his father is a social worker and he said it just came up in conversation because he said if somebody is a social worker, they're actually doing something very holy because they're helping people manage their lives. And I was like, wow, that was like such a brilliant thing to say. It doesn't surprise me when kids say brilliant things, but it was an important point to bring up and I was thinking, oh, what do you know? We have a social worker coming. So surprise, here we are. And I think it ties in very beautifully because we need to manage our lives.
Speaker 1:Our lives are complicated, and also, sometimes social workers need social workers and everybody needs help at different points.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's help that's good enough from a big sister, and sometimes it's help that's good enough from a parent and an older neighbor, and then sometimes you need a professional, and we all can use advice, that's for sure, even if we're not having a session with the social worker and coming to your office and sitting down.
Speaker 1:We would all love to hear what you have to say, and today's topic specifically, even though I'm sure that there's so many topics that you and other social workers and other professionals can help us with. We're going to talk about new beginnings Brave beginnings is what I'm calling it, but if you don't feel brave, that's OK too. New beginnings and how every kid could gain those important tools that we need to help us when we're in situations that are always going to come up with new things that happen for us in life. So I'm going to leave it like very broad so that anyone listening you know someone. Oh, I didn't move this. I don't need to listen to this. No, there's so much we could all learn from the concept of something new happening and what that does for us.
Speaker 4:Right, I mean I love how you called it brave beginnings, because there's a big concept that we talk about in therapy the difference between confidence and courage. So courage is similar to bravery what you were, you know, brave beginnings and confidence. Confidence is what we do when we've already done this before. So like I drive a car. All the time I get into a car I don't have to think about it, I can just drive the car. I'm very confident in driving the car. First time I drove the car, not so much no-transcript.
Speaker 4:The first time you play baseball. Right, wait, which way do the bases go? All the you know all the different things. But after you do it for a while, then you're like, oh yeah, sure, I play baseball. No, I play baseball, no problem. Like I know what to do, what number am I up in the batting order? I don't have to ask any questions, I don't have to ask any directions. It's second nature. So when we do things for a while, we have confidence. If you're a newcomer, you used to go to school. It wasn't to do, you were confident, you know what to do. And now you're coming to a new school and there's no confidence, right, I mean, you kind of know, like you know you need your sitter, you need your chumish and all that stuff. But really there's a lot of anxiety inside and what you need to call upon is your courage. Courage is what we call upon when there's no confidence.
Speaker 3:I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself. Look at the cycles under my eyes.
Speaker 4:I haven't slept in weeks and that's a very broad thing to learn for everything, because we're always learning new things. There's always new stages. You know we're going to be going to a new yeshiva when we're older. New seminary, new friends, new camp, even every new day camp. You know everyone just went to the new day camp the first day. All the kids walking into their new day camp for the second half of the summer they're looking around, they're feeling nervous, but they push themselves to go forward and that means that you had courage. You had courage to keep going and we can all connect to our inner courage for whatever transition or challenge we meet when we still don't have the confidence that we're going to eventually get.
Speaker 1:So I never even thought about those two words being different. I feel like if somebody said confidence and courage, I might almost think that I could use them as the same word. Well, confidence, I feel courageous today, I feel confident today. It almost sounds the same. They both start with a, c, they're both big words. I don't know, they're the same. But when you explain it like that, I completely understand that it's really a different thing, because you can't really feel confident about something that you've never tried before. I guess you could be confident about the idea of starting something new, because, oh, I've done new things before, but you really still have lots of question marks.
Speaker 4:I mean that's an amazing point, marjorie, that the more you tap into your courage and start new things and force yourself out of your comfort zone and keep doing that, you'll get confident about being courageous.
Speaker 1:I didn't know I'd be such a good point, but thanks. I also think that sometimes this is a really confusing thing, so I hope you can follow what I'm thinking. Sometimes you might like trick yourself into being even confident or brave and courageous, I should really say, because, let's say, for example, you're like oh yeah, I don't like being the new kid, I'm too nervous about being nervous about it. You know what I'm saying? Like the idea of because some kids are like, oh my gosh, I'm so nervous, right, and they can't eat and they're butterflies, and they're so nervous. And then some kids are like I don't want to be doing, and maybe that could work for somebody, but I could imagine that really they're hiding, like those feelings inside of them, like no, it might actually be good for them to say like I am a little worried about this, like, right, is that real courage to say that?
Speaker 4:I don't know. I have a good friend he actually, I think, grew up near where you grew up Ellie Wilner, who's also a friend of mine, a therapist in Detroit, and he taught me a line that happens to be in regards to my kids going down to the basement. And you know, everyone knows that there's monsters in the basement and so they're scared, right.
Speaker 3:I got a creepy basement. The basement is underground. The basement is so scary I'm afraid to go to my basement. It got creepy crawly bugs in there.
Speaker 4:And my friend said he goes, it's okay to be scared and to do it anyways. Now there's a common. Usually we say don't be scared. It's very hard to like, you know, don't be nervous, Don't be scared. That tends not to work right. Don't be angry, Don't be this Like, don't listen to words like that, that's just not the language that they speak. But you can be afraid and you can do it anyways. Right, and that's calling upon courage, right? Like I'm afraid, I'm not going to not be afraid, I'm going to be afraid and I'm going to push myself doing it anyways.
Speaker 4:I still remember one time going to one of the kosher beaches in erzisrol, in ashdod, and there's a certain month of the year that there's a lot of humongous medusot which is jellyfish, massive jellyfish and like when you look out, there's like this huge jellyfish. And I went with my friend. We made a deal that like I was going to go out in the float because he didn't want to go in the water because it was terrifying, but he was going to push me in the float and then I was going to push him in the float and I remember him walking behind me and he's like walking and there's jellyfish all over the place and he's like feel the fear, do it anyways, feel. And he was calling upon courage. One of the jellyfish almost like got pushed up in a wave when we drank half the ocean getting back to shore, running back Anyhow story for a different.
Speaker 1:But why would you even go into a water with jellyfish?
Speaker 4:You're not going to travel an hour and a half to go to a kosher beach, and then not. And then not go in the water, right you?
Speaker 1:didn't know about the jellyfish before.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 1:Got it? Wow, nobody who swam across the English Channel. It's a very big. It's not an ocean, but it's like a big body of water where you could swim from England to France, I believe. And it's crazy. Only crazy people do this. But you need a lot of courage. Not confidence, because if you've never done it before, it's impossible, but the courage for sure.
Speaker 1:This woman who did it she was the first woman to cross the English Channel. Everyone told her she did try the first time and it wasn't successful. She ended up doing it again and when she did it, she got stung by a ton of jellyfish. In the beginning she was very scared and I'm not suggesting that anybody go put themselves in dangerous situations, because I would never do this. So don't do this at home, well, unless you live in the English channel area. And she got like a ton of jellyfish things.
Speaker 1:My point is that anything is possible, because when you put your mind to something, it was actually very empowering to hear the story, because I felt like you know, when I was learning about this person, I was like, wow, like really, if you set your mind to something, you're gonna do this, you're gonna get through this challenge. You might fail the first time, like she did, then you try again and, despite those things that are, they are gonna hurt. They're gonna be some things like let. Hopefully you won't get actually hurt. You won't get a jellyfish bite, but feelings could be hurt, disappointments can happen and feeling frustration and how am I going to do this? And I don't understand what's happening and I feel left out. Those are almost like jellyfish bites.
Speaker 4:Right. So I'm happy that you mentioned the word challenge, because that's kind of how I want to like talk to anyone who's going to be a newcomer this year. And it's a very important thing that you're going to school and this is going to be a challenge. If you don't know that something is going to be a challenge, it's very hard to handle it. But I always give the muscle that if you're going to be driving and you didn't realize that a tunnel was coming, it could be very discombobulating, like oh my gosh, like whoa, what's happening? And lanes are narrow all of a sudden, right. But if you see the tunnel coming, it's like, okay, so there's a tunnel coming. To all anyone who's new, there's a tunnel coming. It will take time and this challenge will not last a day, it won't last a week, it won't last a month, it's going to be longer than that. So you better gear up for the long haul. But it's OK In the big scheme of things, you'll probably be in this new school for years. I mean, let's see if you're going to an eighth grade.
Speaker 4:So I myself have gone to. I was from Detroit, so I went to ninth grade in Detroit, but then I went out of town. I was the only out of towner in 10th grade. I was the only out of towner who went to Base Medrash. I went without all my friends territories for all all the years. I was always the odd guy out. Sometimes it took a month, sometimes it took three months. The longest ever it took was six months to get used to my new place, and so prepare that you have a few month tunnel and really really to get used to it. It might even take a year or two to really like be part of the new class, as opposed to being the new kid.
Speaker 4:And recognizing that that's the challenge that you're up against is the first step. It's like wow, ok, I need to call upon courage right now and keep pushing myself and also the other media that we have to call upon is patience. It's hard to be courageous and not in the know and almost like in Golis in your new school for a while and it's going to take time. You might feel like I've been through this for four days or for three weeks, like enough already, like I still don't get everything, like that's normal, that's expected. That's a challenge that Hashem is setting you up for, that he knows that you can handle and it's going to end up being the best thing for you in some way or another. But recognizing that all beginnings are hard and you have a big challenge in front of you is a major first step if you know that you're coming to a challenge. Everyone knows the best thing to do about challenge is just sweep it under the rug, just avoid all challenges. I'm joking. Don't do that right.
Speaker 1:I was. What are you?
Speaker 4:saying Are you?
Speaker 1:really a social worker.
Speaker 4:Sometimes and you can keep an eye out for this someone there'll be a kid who's bothering you in school and you might tell your parents about it. Sometimes, if you're telling your parents about it and they're in the middle of making chicken soup, or your father's in the middle of working, they say you know the challenge, run away from it. Right, and that's a big thing that I hear sometimes from parents and just means that they were busy at that time and so they can't think about the challenge. But staying away from a challenge is not what we do. In your life, every single one of us is going to have many, many, many challenges, and it's a sham. They're going to be manageable and Hashem will help us to all pass and succeed through all of them. But we have to practice. We have to practice getting through challenges and if you're a newcomer, this is a challenge time to practice for your whole life about how to tackle challenges. So challenge equals opportunity. We have an opportunity right now to grow in a certain way and to become a greater, better person.
Speaker 1:And the good news is that when kids come to you for help, hopefully you're not in the middle of making chicken soup so you could really give them your full attention. We have to be a little nice to our parents and realize that when they give us advice that didn't help us, a better idea during the chicken soup would be, like, mommy, or if your father's making chicken soup call a covote.
Speaker 1:I'd love to find a father who does that. I'm kidding, but if you go, wait, doesn't your father in law make chicken? No, he makes kugel, yes my father-in-law makes the chicken soup. Oh, and the chicken soup, okay, yeah, he's very unique. So yeah, I'm saying if somebody is busy, then it's like when's a good time for us to talk, because I need to talk to you, you know.
Speaker 4:Right? That's a very important thing because a lot of times say, can I speak to you for a minute? You have the adult's attention. You don't say can I speak to you for a minute, and you just tell them something. It's the same thing as if you say can I have a snack? Okay, so you could have a snack. He's bothering me, so stay away from him. Right? Adults are very busy, teachers are running.
Speaker 4:You're not the only kid in your class and the principal has 300. If you need to tell them something important to your parent, you need to tell your parents something important. You have to say can I speak to you for a minute, right, or is there a time that I could talk to you because I have something important to tell you? Now it's hard and apparently being awkward is one of like the gimel avers, hamurois, like the worst things in the world is, you could be awkward and like it's awkward to say that, and we're going to get back to being awkward soon. But sometimes we have to call upon courage, even if it means we have to be khas v'shalom awkward.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's normalize being awkward. Sometimes being awkward helps us, and then you'll learn it's not really awkward.
Speaker 4:And sometimes being awkward, only feels like it's going to be awkward and then it turns out it's actually quite normal. Yeah for sure, for anyone who welcomer of newcomers. Listen up to this. For some reason, there's a fear. People, a lot of people, have a fear of something new or different. So if let's say, there's a someone you know from a different nationality, they moved from a different country, they moved from Israel, let's say to your class in Baltimore, and now there's a kid who's still learning English, right, so now they're different. For some reason, people are afraid of things that are different, or they're, you know, they come from Yemen and they're very Svarty, like you know a high level of Svarty, right and they say things differently. Like, for some reason there's a fear of something new or different. You ever heard of SS, right, staring syndrome and we have, like, this need to like, just like, stare at them. So don't do that, because staring is not good mitos.
Speaker 1:And one day I'm going to do a full podcast episode about staring, because Make sure I'm there, don't do a video because then people will be staring.
Speaker 4:Yes, quick thing to the welcomers. We have a mitzvah of a hafta mesagir you should love the gir. And the chinuch says not only does it mean someone who's an actual gir, but it means any newcomer. I'm not sure if he means the sexual kim of the mitzvah. He says so besides for v'avtel rechak hameicha and ainah as-dvarim leisaynu as-sesha misay, the person shouldn't hurt somebody else's feelings. There's ager, a newcomer, has both of those extra. So v'avtem as-ager and v'ger leisaynu, you shouldn't hurt ager's feelings. So any newcomer's feelings be mean to them. Quick story is that my uncle's name was Rabbi Elimelech Cohen Zatzal. He was a Rebbe in Riverdale Yeshiva for a very interesting Rebbe. He was a Rebbe for the Baal Batim. They have a whole Baal Batim's program and basically there was a big Baal Abbas. The Baal Abbas himself was talking to me telling me this story and he told me what's a Baal Abbas?
Speaker 4:In this case I meant like sort of like a philanthropist, and that's even a bigger word.
Speaker 1:So you're welcome yeah, this is not getting any easier. He was a very rich man a very rich man.
Speaker 4:This man, his name is mr chernoff.
Speaker 1:He also passed away, very so you're saying your uncle was the rabbi or the rabbi he taught people who are businessmen, basically yes, okay.
Speaker 4:And the businessman came to rabbi osband, who was the rosh yeshiva of riverdale, and he said that he wants to learn torah. And now riverdale yeshiva is for like people on their way to brisk, not exactly for someone who's like somewhat of a Baal Tshuva at 55 years old. It's not like exactly the place that they're meant to learn. Baal Tshuva at 55 years old can learn in many great places. Rivadela Yeshiva was not exactly the place that was expected to learn, but he told Rabbi Osbon that it's going to be worth it for him, meaning he's going to give the yeshiva a lot of money. So make sure you hire someone good. And Reb Ozman hired someone first and didn't fit. And then one night he went to a wedding and he saw my uncle by this wedding and he saw oh, my uncle is a Rebele, malkon, he'd be the perfect person. And he hired him and for many years, until my uncle passed away, that was his job and he loved his job. It was a very special job.
Speaker 4:Now, why was my uncle by that wedding? Because my uncle, when he was in ninth grade, went on a seed trip which is like doing Kirov. I think it was in Argentina. There was one kid who was a newcomer to that group and my uncle was the guy who was nice to him. And so it was like 10 years later by this guy's wedding and he invited my uncle to the wedding, even though they hadn't had any connection. But he said I'm inviting you to my wedding because on that seed trip you were nice to me and that was really important to me and that's what got my uncle, his whole parnossa and his whole life for everything. Wow, nice to that kid. And so you don't know what it means in Hashem's eyes to be nice to someone who's a newcomer.
Speaker 1:And also, yeah, in that guy's eyes, like he remembered years later that somebody was nice to him when he was new yeah right.
Speaker 4:First of all, don't forget your favorite singer, joey Newcombe.
Speaker 1:That's a joke.
Speaker 5:Newcomer, yeah, joey, newcomer, he's the first thought of his name like that before yeah, newcomer godel mizu. He's the greatest newcomer that there has ever been that's great, okay, okay, joey, newcomer, yeah, how?
Speaker 5:why over there? Newcomer over there? Why? Why they're here? They're where. What's the avoid of a newcomer? A yid always has to be a begin of a newcomer. He has to always say I'm starting fresh, I'm starting new. That's the avoid. I'm starting fresh, I'm starting new. That's the avoid. I'm starting new Every day, a brand new day full of a new avoid. That's the avoid. I don't.
Speaker 4:So what's the main challenges for the newcomer? Social things. That's usually the things is getting along with other kids. There's probably going to be someone who's mean to you. You're going to start being friends with Ruvane or Shandy. They and Ruven used to be friends with Shimon and now you're a new and you're messing up their friendship. And you're not trying to mess up their friendship. You're just being friends with Ruven. Or you're just being friends with Shandy and Shandy used to be friends with Rivki and now Rivki's like hey, you're like stealing my friend.
Speaker 4:Those are the two very common challenges is that there's someone who could be maybe mean to you, like a bully, or start bullying, starts creating jealousy. Look for that right away and take initiative. You be the one. You want to be the person. Don't come and wait for people to be nice to you. It's hard. Call upon courage, Dig deep and you be nice to them. If she's jealous of you, just be nice to her back. You'll see. It'll end it right away.
Speaker 4:One story it's actually a story with my son who read to Hill and Munn incredible kids. A few weeks ago there was a boy who was being not nice to him in second grade and he came to talk to me about it and we said that for the next two weeks I want you to do three nice things to him. Say something nice, give something nice, do something nice, whatever it is. And I said, if you do, we're going to go choose a big treat. So we had to help Courage by giving him an incentive and giving him a prize. And speak to your parents or yourself and make a prize for yourself, but going over and saying, hi, what's your name? Which I know is awkward, right, but call upon courage, push yourself and maybe give yourself a prize or ask someone to give you a prize for introducing yourself. Or be someone's not nice to you. Be nice to them back. It will tame it right away. It'll take a few times Over two weeks.
Speaker 4:My son was nice to that kid. First he shared snack with him two times. Then I said, okay, I want you to. The next time should be something that you you know, besides for sharing snack. And he said I told him nice, haircut that kid. They became after like a month he said you told me, stop bothering him and after like three months they ended up becoming good friends. They go over to each other's house sometimes. Usually I know someone wants to be mean to you. You want to be mean to them back right, but then it'll just go further and further and then that creates the bullying situations. But see the jealousy, or see the bullying and nip it in the bud. Be nice to them right away. Don't come in waiting for people to be nice to you, because it's hard for them also. The main thing is you want to try to make the best of your situation.
Speaker 1:That takes a lot of courage, but I see why it's important to be new. As it is, you could almost tell yourself like I'll just wait for everyone to be nice to me. But, as you see, that's right. It's a dangerous road to take. You don't know what's going to happen.
Speaker 4:It's a challenge and this is an opportunity for all the kids who want to be like Joey Newcomb, to be a newcomer and to grab this challenge and be nice. It'll take some time and you'll see. I miss Hashem. Hashem should help everyone who is new and everyone who is welcoming to do a great job at this. Nisayim.
Speaker 1:Amazing. I love that advice. That's great, they're going to do it and they're going to do great. And especially those who are in a situation where they have the opportunity to be welcoming and to find things that they can do to include those, and then it will give them meaning, like they'll feed off each other when someone's welcoming to you and someone's greeting you and pulling you in and inviting you, even when it's maybe not easy because they are a little jealous of you, because, oh, you're taking my new friend or whatever. So we have two people working, one person pulling you in and the other person coming forward and saying I want to be part of this, thank you for inviting me. You have such a cool house. I love your. You know, I love your toys for little kids and then older kids, you know. So that's the perfect recipe when everybody is mindful of it and everybody's trying. So thank you so much this has been super helpful.
Speaker 4:I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1:We had the little tip of the iceberg. There's so much more people can learn, but I think with the right tools and knowing that there are people that can help you, kids can always learn more. So thanks for opening this up for us. Thank you, rabbi Cohn.
Speaker 4:Have a good day, thanks.
Speaker 1:Good luck in the new school year. And now it's time for homework. Oh, come on, not that kind. Wow. I love that Courage comes before confidence.
Speaker 1:You don't have to already feel brave or confident when you're trying a new thing. You just have to call on courage, even for like a tiny moment. So here's your incredible challenge for the week Pick one small thing that feels a little new or a little scary and use your courage to try it. Try it once. Maybe it's raising your hands in class, saying hi to someone you don't usually talk to, trying a new game at recess and this is something for a kid who's new to school or a community or has been there all along, because there are always new opportunities to be on the inviting end or to look for different new experiences that you can practice. Calling on your courage, for Remember, every time you practice courage, you're actually building confidence for the next time. So go ahead, call on your courage, give it a try and then give yourself a big, incredible high five when you do. And that brings this episode to an end.
Speaker 1:But before you go, make sure that you are subscribed and signed up for all of the upcoming episodes that Emert Hashem are coming out. Check out all of the fun videos that we have on incrediblekidsorg. And when you're on the incrediblekidsorg website, click on shop and check out that the entire merch inventory is now 25% off, including our bestseller to Hillams and our brand new exclusive, incredible Kids sweatshirts so perfect for back to school. So use the code LASTLICKS at checkout all capital letters. Don't forget to go on to incrediblekidsorg and click on the tab where you can be included in future episodes. See what's new there. Scroll down to figure out how you can get involved.
Speaker 1:Get ready for an incredible school year by going to netheshinspiredcom and signing up for the end of summer two weekweek health challenge that starts right now, and get into those good, healthy habits that are going to kick off your year in the best way possible. And who doesn't love winning prizes? And I can't wait to connect with all of you next time on incredible kids podcast. Enjoy the last licks of summer. Are you an?
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