InKredible Kids
A podcast with Kosher content geared toward empowering Jewish kids of all ages. We interview kids from around the world and have many interactive segments for all kids to enjoy. While having fun and learning new skills, kids will hear about responsibility, empathy, confidence, and more!
InKredible Kids
Bucket Fillers: How to Keep Your Happiness When Others Are Unkind
We explore friendship and emotional well-being through conversations with two sets of special guests who share powerful insights on maintaining happiness even when others aren't kind.
• Emma and Ada demonstrate how friendship can thrive despite attending different schools by making intentional time for each other
• Best friends don't need to be exclusive – having other friendships is healthy and necessary
• The Fishmans share how their popular "Bucket Filler" books originated from Nechama's kindergarten bullying experience
• Everyone has an invisible emotional bucket that fills with good feelings when full and empties when sad
• When someone is mean, it's because their bucket is empty – understanding this helps you not take it personally
• Filling others' buckets through kindness automatically fills your own bucket too
• Being "bully-proof" means staying happy despite others' unkindness
• Finding people who make you feel good is more important than forcing yourself into unfriendly groups
• Simple acts like smiles and compliments can significantly impact someone's day
• Parents should work through schools rather than directly contacting bullies' parents
🎧Remember to send all responses, questions, comments, and ideas to ikidspodcast@gmail.com.
🎧Make sure to follow InKredible Kids on your favorite podcasting app, so you never miss an episode. Be sure to rate the podcast⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ and drop a review!
🎧Explore our website: https://inkrediblekids.org/
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Visit inkrediblekids.org/unmuted to get your tickets for "Unmuted: The Experience" - an immersive celebration for families featuring Benny Friedman, Joey Newcomb, Moshe Tischler, Ari Kunstler, the Mendy Hershkowitz Band, hosted by Simcha on Wheels on June 24th at the Ritz Theater, New Jersey.
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Check out "The Bucket Fillers" books on their website: https://thebucketfillers.com/order
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You can be a sponsor too! If you are interested in sponsoring an episode as a zchus for something dear to you, email ikidspodcast@gmail.com.
Hey kids, welcome back to the next episode of the Incredible Kids Podcast. My name is Moritz Ciri and I will be your host. Through this incredible journey, we are going to meet many incredible kids. They are going to share with us their stories, some of them super cool and different like you've never heard before, and some you may say are just ordinary, but all of them incredible. If you have great ideas, email me today at ikidspodcasts at gmailcom. And now it's time for Incredible Kids. It's time for the joke of the day. Yay, today's joke is brought to you by Moshe J from Denver, colorado.
Speaker 2:What do you do when a lemon is sick? Give it lemonade.
Speaker 1:Hey everyone and welcome back to the next episode of Incredible Kids. If you're listening to this on the day it's released, we are just about eight days away from Shavuos, so that gives us just like eight more days to be able to continue the process of bettering ourselves during Sferasa Omer. This is the final stretch, as they say. Today's episode really, really focuses on some key ideas that I think are perfect for this time Friendship, specifically, how to look at the others, and we're going to learn something about filling their bucket. Okay, so put that in the back of your mind. We're going to get to that in a moment, but first I need to ask you if you know what is in 30 days from today and if you're listening to this late, it might even be sooner, it might even be like 15 days away, or maybe it's gonna be tomorrow. I don't know, depending on when you're listening, but the Incredible Kids show, the unmuted the experience show, is coming up on June 24th. I don't want you to miss out, and if you have the ability to be in New Jersey on that day it's a Tuesday evening, last day of school for many people in the New York, new Jersey area. For people who are coming from other areas. We're already finished a few days earlier, but this is going to be a grand celebration of a year's worth of hard work and a bang going into summer. It's going to be something that you will talk about literally forever. Don't forget to get tickets at incrediblekidsorg. Slash unmuted Excessive amount of joy is out of our control. Please know that if you're coming to the show, you're agreeing to having the best day of your life.
Speaker 1:Today's podcast features two different interviews First with two adorable, good good friends, emma and Ada, and they're going to tell us about what it's like to have a close friend in a different school. And then comes a very important and incredible conversation I had with Rivka and Hama Fishman, a mother and daughter duo, who are going to tell us the origin story behind the very popular and very foundational books Sarah the Bucket Filler, benny the Bucket Filler and also now a journal for becoming the best kind of bucket filler. Remember, if you enjoy this episode or any Incredible Kids episode, please be so kind as to leave us a positive rating, a thumbs up, a comment, a review. Every time you do that. It helps incredible kids grow and be able to reach more audiences, aka families just as incredible as yours. We asked our listeners what do you think it means to be a really good friend? Here's what they had to say Hi.
Speaker 2:I'm David. I'm eight years old. I think that a really good friend is someone who includes someone in other sports.
Speaker 3:Hi my name is Leah Golda and I am 10 years old. What I think a good friend is someone who is trustworthy, and if you need help, the friend would help you Hi my name is Libby and I'm 12 years old well, I think makes a good friend is when you look after them.
Speaker 2:Hi, my name is Sheena. I'm 11 years old. What I think it means to be a really good friend is to care about your friends. When your friends is in pain, I think you hi, my name is many could be To be a nice friend. You play with them so much, so often, and I'm five years old. Hi, my name is Freda and I'm seven years old, and what I think being a good friend is is like not saying, hey, that's my toy, you can't play with it. And also, if your friends are fighting, don't like solve the problem. Hi, this is Skype Shimmy. I'm 10 years old.
Speaker 2:A good friend, I think, is someone who listens to when I speak and includes me in their game, and it's fun to be with. Thank you, hi, my name is Lavey and I'm 8 years old, and what I think it means to be a good friend is, you think, before you say something, t, it has to be true for T, h for helpful, I for inspiring, m for nice, necessary and K for kind. That's what I think it means to be a good friend. Bye, and I love incredible kids and I love incredible kids.
Speaker 1:And now please enjoy my conversation with Emma and Ada. Okay, we're all here now. We had a little glitch before because you guys are neighbors and I thought that it would maybe be better if I interviewed you in separate houses, and then we had a lot of connection issues. So then I said why don't you guys get together? You're neighbors, after all. So Aida and Emma are now together in one house and might I say you guys look really cute, are you matching?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're mismatched.
Speaker 1:Mismatched. What does that mean?
Speaker 2:Mismatched, like she's wearing the top of something and I'm wearing the bottom of it. It's like a set.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's hilarious, so you're wearing the shirt of her skirt.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I have three pairs of the same thing. It's a set.
Speaker 1:But you're actually wearing each other's clothing or you just have the same outfit. We're wearing each other's. Oh, do you do this a lot, or it's special for the podcast? It's special. What an honor. We're going to talk about your friendship and we'll get there, but right now I want to learn about each of you individually. I know a lot about one of you Emma. You were my student in kindergarten and it's been a couple years, so we have to catch up. And Ada and Emma, you both live in my neighborhood a little far. You guys are neighbors, but we're diving at the same shul so I get to see your delightful faces all the time. But let's introduce everybody to who you are, each of you individually. Ada, why don't you?
Speaker 2:start. My favorite color is pink. I'm nine years old, I'm in third grade and I got to be shocked off. Okay, what about you, emma? I got to be nose. I'm in third grade, I'm nine years old, my favorite color is purple and I love singing.
Speaker 1:It's really fun that you guys are together, but the main thing that stands out about the two of you being friends is the fact that what's different about you Go to different schools? You do go to different schools Also. I just want to point out, for the listener who cannot see you, that you guys happen to look alike a little bit as well. Do you get that?
Speaker 2:a lot Sometimes. Yeah, one time we were in the store and somebody said your twins are so cute.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's really funny.
Speaker 1:So I don't know that you look like twins, but like you both have the same like shade of hair and like a long ponytail, like similar height, complexion, like something about you guys. And I guess just the expression on your face also, like both of you, like when you're just like not doing anything, you're both like just have like a cute smile on your face, which I love. You know what I mean? It's called a rusting face, like sometimes when people are not like talking or laughing or singing, they're just doing nothing, and like their face could either look delightful or miserable or somewhere in between. But you both have like a delightful expression. So also, do you both have braces? Oh see, that's another thing. It's pretty early for you guys to have braces.
Speaker 2:No, third grade they usually start like laA or not, and I have an expander and she has to.
Speaker 1:I also do. I didn't have braces till high school. That's why I'm saying that, Like I don't know how common it is that so many kids have it in third grade. Let's jump right into it Best friends in different schools. I know that it's not such an easy thing to stay close with somebody who's not with you every single day, experiencing the same things that you're experiencing, although it is, I guess, helpful that you're neighbors. What's it like to have a close friend not in school with you?
Speaker 2:It's complicated because we all have different stories and different ways of doing things. She has different programs and gets different things. I'm like I just like do a different thing, like I would start for Daphne, and she has to start for like helping people, like they do things differently, like different programs that they run.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's cute that you know about it, though, like what each other's programs are, that means that you're sharing that information a lot with each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what would you say, emma? It's hard, but also I don't even have time to think about what she's doing. I'm so busy doing everything else, there's no time for me to think about it Because you're so busy in school with your whole busy day. Learning or at recess playing belts.
Speaker 1:Do you miss each other during the day ever?
Speaker 2:Sometimes I do, but I don't think about her. I'm just playing with a different person. I'm not thinking what are they doing at this minute? Why do you think that is Because we have different schedules, we have different personalities, Everybody. We have a different way of doing things.
Speaker 1:When did you guys become friends? You're nine years old now, but when did this friendship start?
Speaker 2:When I was little, my mother wasn't so close with her mother. Then we started being friends. Because we were friends when my sister was like born she's six right now Like my mother helped her out, my mother and then we started being like really close, so like six years ago, yeah, but we also eat our sugars together every Shabbos. We're just like friends around. We see each other. My mother, if she doesn't want to be like, do you need?
Speaker 1:anything Like when she goes shopping. She texts in with her. So you became family friends yeah, close.
Speaker 2:So you made your mother's friends, or your mother's made you friends, we both but also I have a brother who's the same age as her sister, so like we're around the same age as us. Yeah, like when my mother had a baby on Shabbos, we were eating at her house. Oh yeah, and my mother helped her. My mother just handed her like a bag of our pajamas and stuff and left. Also, whenever they go away, like she always comes to us.
Speaker 1:It sounds like there's a lot of crossover. Now I understand how it's possible that you're always like doing things together. It doesn't always work out that way, by the way, sometimes you have friends of the family that the kids technically could even be the same age, but they're just not clicking. I have that with some of my friends and my kids are not necessarily so close with their kids, and that's okay. You know it has to, it has to work and it has to make sense. But you guys were instantly buddies when you were three years old. Five, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, four or five. And like I can still just like do fun memories Her mother owns a store. Her mother made me a blanket. Like her mother gets a lot of discounts. Oh, Sometimes we just like write notes to each other in each other's mailboxes. It's like dropping it.
Speaker 1:You don't even have to put a stamp on it, because you could literally just deliver it across the street, diagonally across the street, right when you were ready to start school. How was that? In the very beginning, when you guys realized that you were not going to be going to the same school? It was complicated for me.
Speaker 2:But like I knew like it's like happening for the good, like we just have different stories, so like I would tell her something that happened today in school after school and she'll tell me, oh, something so similar happened. She'll be scooting by, I'm like, I'll call her name and she'll come over and like talk for a minute. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. It's like sometimes, dad, because like she does like funner stuff than me, or like I'm like a little jealous of like the products she makes or stuff. But sometimes it's good, like sometimes it's good to just get a little break. It's probably like 24 6 and then it's like so hard You're like always with her.
Speaker 1:She just needs a little break. Right, totally. It's already been a couple years that you've been okay. This is the reality of it. We go to different schools and we still can be friends. What happens when Emma, for example, makes a new friend in her school and you start to hear about it? Or like she comes over to play and you're not really like part of that friendship. How does that make you feel? And emma for you? When ada makes a new good friend at school, does it ever make you feel like it's threatening to your friendship?
Speaker 2:I would ask her to like maybe she'll play with her like sometimes, but she'll play with me more often than she'll play with her, like she could play with her at school and after school she'll play with me. Or often than she'll play with her Like she could play with her at school and after school she'll play with me, or if it's not in school, then like we'll have a. I'll ask her, like this day could we play only us. When she like talks about it, I try to ignore it. Sometimes like it doesn't always work. Like sometimes I'm just like I've had enough of hearing her Like. I'm just like could you just please stop talking about her Like she could totally play with you, just like I just don't talk about her. 24-6.
Speaker 1:Like don't keep just putting it in my face. Oh, let me talk about, like, the girl, this girl, bracha, we did this, we did that today, and it's like and you're like okay, hello, like enough ready. I could totally understand that feeling you just mentioned. Like sometimes that makes you get into a small fight. Trust me, I've been through that situation so many times right with friends over the years. I wonder if there's another way, though, that, instead of getting into that small fight, like when you recognize like hey, it's getting on my nerves that my friend is doing that, what could you do to like avoid the fight?
Speaker 2:in the beginning I just feel like stop talking about her, but like if she keeps talking about her.
Speaker 1:But is that nice to just be like stop talking about her. Like how should you say it?
Speaker 2:sometimes I can't handle it like so I try to say it in a nice way or something that I talked about. I'm like I'm not trying to make you feel, but like I just feel like you're not like playing with me so much anymore, okay a lot to each other you do say that a lot to each other. You do say that a lot, yeah, because also.
Speaker 1:That's such good language, though you realize that that's great. What you just told me now is not a fight. You just said it in such a mature way. If you really said it that way, that's really mature, Emma. It seems like we're not playing so much together anymore. And Emma, when she does say something like that, how do you usually respond?
Speaker 2:I'll play with her some days, but I'll play with you awesome most of the days like.
Speaker 1:I said Because the danger of when friends start to dictate to each other who they could be with, let's say, somebody would say like, okay, fine, I won't play with her anymore they're really not allowing themselves to have free choice in their own life. They're letting their friend, or even who they think is their best friend, they're letting their best friend control them. And really friendship could be a very beautiful thing, but the dangerous thing is when friendship becomes so close that you don't see yourself anymore. Does that make sense? Yes, and of course you need to have more friends, especially if your friend is in a different school. You know, there's a reason why you don't like you told me before, you don't think about each other the whole day at school because, baruch Hashem, you're healthy kids who have, I'm sure, a circle of friends in your classroom, at recess and whatever, and you don't need to only have that one friend. How sad would it be if somebody put all of their friendship into one person and then they missed out on everybody else.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it happened to me like like a week ago I was picking like the five top, but I want to be like off next year because there's like we're mixing up I want you to make the same friends every time. It's not gonna be funny. You want to learn, you want to discover like. You want to know other people. You want to be like stuck.
Speaker 1:That's very smart. It's wise of you also for camp people have an opportunity just for two months in the summer to meet new people. You don't have to be with the person you're with all of the time, right? So what makes like a good friendship, a strong?
Speaker 2:friendship. I try to make time for her, like especially for her, and like sometimes like she'll just come over, but usually I like planned out dates. This time'll just come over, but usually I like planned out dates. This time it's just for us, like nobody else. Also, on Shabbos we usually play a lot and we'll play until Shabbos and my father will come over to her house.
Speaker 1:Her father will come over to my house when I'm at Shabbos and then I'll be like that's really sweet, but what afternoon, when you thought you were going to have that time together, like what happens then.
Speaker 2:Well, it depends, like if Ada want to play with her, if Ada doesn't know her, I can just say okay, I'm not available. But I can say Sherry could come in. I have a different friend over. I'll try to make them together If it doesn't work, then we won't do it again.
Speaker 1:Right, but in that situation it's like a little bit of a surprise, so you want to be careful not to hurt the person's feelings. Who came to play?
Speaker 2:Right, but it's usually on a weekday, like Mondays and Thursdays per se.
Speaker 1:So it's more like you're not going to expect somebody to walk over in the middle of that on a Monday. So it's more like you're not going to expect somebody to like walk over in the middle of that on a Monday. It's such a sensitive thing because, let's say, there's two friends that are together and they're playing and then they tell somebody oh yeah, join us. And like they think they're being so nice. But sometimes it's like you have to go extra out of your way to make that third person feel comfortable, because you have like all these like cute jokes between you and like you know each other so well that even if you're being like nice to them, they could still feel like an outsider the whole time. Imagine like the mitzvah you get for like going out of your way to really, really be nice to them, even though you guys would much rather secretly be alone. Let's say, right, you guys are smiling like you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did it just happen? Yeah, oh, okay, I won't ask any more details, but you know what I'm saying. Actually, I remember from when I was little. One time I was at a friend's house who was my very, very good friend and her mother told us that she invited a girl in shul. She's like I was in shul and I saw a girl and I told her to come play with you guys this afternoon.
Speaker 1:Like my friend's mother invited a third person to come play with us and we were not happy. We were like you do not want to play with that girl and we hid in a closet for the whole Shabbos and the girl never walked over, but we spent the whole Shabbos in the closet. We wasted our whole Shabbos in the closet. I don't even know like why. That was fun for us. I don't know what the plan was, like the girl, but Baruch Hashem, the girl didn't walk over. Because imagine she walked over and we are hiding in the closet from her Till this day. I would feel horrible. You know it would be. You know like kids sometimes make mistakes like that and I didn't have incredible kids when I was Niggas alert Niggas alert.
Speaker 1:But I understand what people to want to be with that one friend that they have those fun experiences with. What do you two do together that makes your friendship so fun? Do you have any like special things? Hold on, what are the?
Speaker 2:time, and then some days sometimes I'm like I'm gonna kind of like go over like to the scene. Yeah, I'm like usually get like ice cream or syrups after, so I'll have that for maria. And then we went like skating together and then on Friday we'll just go shopping or get ready for Shabbos together. Really, you go shopping together for Shabbos? Yeah, we go shopping. We'll go to Trader Joe's and see if they have their needs to see us there.
Speaker 3:A bottle of juice with a crazy name, ten kinds of soy milk that all taste the same.
Speaker 4:It's our favorite place, it's that store. Trader.
Speaker 2:Joe's, we'll do like the find the teddy bear at Trader Joe's what?
Speaker 1:does that even mean?
Speaker 2:There's like a teddy bear you have to find and then you get a lollipop for it. If you find it, what?
Speaker 1:Is this a new thing? No, Where's their? Don't tell me where it is.
Speaker 2:I want to get a lollipop, and it's like a stuffed animal hidden between like, let's say, a chili lunch. It'll give a hint like oh, spicy, or something like that. What? So where do you find the hint? Like all over the store it says like when In Trader Joe's?
Speaker 1:No, I know, but where all over the store. I go there all the time.
Speaker 2:It's really hidden. It's really hidden. It's really kind of like it's so in your face. You can't see it. Yeah, like it's like. That's like right in front of the pickles. It's like you can't see it. You can't see it. It's like too in your face.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like. It's like right popping out of you. You just can't see it. I don't know what you're talking about. My kids told me that I have to stop buying like two bags. I need to buy like 20 bags because they eat them all in like one day. And I went to the register and I noticed that you know like, they have like really cool paintings on the wall.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah, in one of the times in a letter. Yes, it is Scandinavian summers I took a pen.
Speaker 1:Yes and yes. Each of the letters it says Pikesville, because that's where we live in Baltimore, and each letter of Pikesville is a different. One of their trademark things that they have in Trader Joe's, like the P would be like I don't remember what, the fruit buttons or whatever, and then one of them would be like the everything but the bagel spice and like I don't know different stuff. But hello, I asked the lady working there. I was like when did this happen? Did this happen? Because I don't remember this painting. It's a new one. So she said they just did it a few months ago and she said that some lady came like for a few nights in a row and she hand painted it.
Speaker 1:It's the coolest thing. It's not like a sticker, like somebody came and painted it on the wall, took her a few nights and apparently there's like hidden vegetables all around the store painted. Did you see that? No, okay, so now you have something new to do. I don't know. I didn't go see it because I had to run, but I said next time I go I'm going to go look painted vegetables around the store. You understand that having a good friendship is really like a bracha, and I will also say that in Pirkei Avos, which is something that we review now, we learn it now. You probably are learning it in school, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:One of the Mishnahs in Perkei Avot, says K'nei l'cha chavar acquire for yourself a friend. It's hard work to have a good friend. And when we have a good friend, why do you think the rabbis took the time to tell us that they feel like it's important for us for all time to know how important friendship is? Friendship is such a beautiful thing, it's a privilege. Like when we find that good friend. We're. We're so lucky.
Speaker 1:Like lucky is somebody who can have a friend. That is a healthy friendship that you can each be yourself. You can learn from each other. You can feel more yourself when you're around that person. Together, you can do great things this time of year, especially when we know how awful it is when friendships are not what people's focus on and we know with Rabbi Akiva's students they did not have respect for each other. They probably could have used a friendship seminar. We need to be learning from our friendships and thinking about how we can take what we know about our friendships that are good things and help us be a better friend to other people as well. Right, even if they're not your best friend, even if they're not your only friend.
Speaker 2:I learned from Emma a lot, but I don't tell everybody all the things that I learned. I learned a lot from Ada. Like every morning, she'll go to early minyan on Sabbath and for me I'm usually still sleeping. For me it's harder for me to daven, so I would learn from her.
Speaker 1:Her you learn about the importance of prioritizing davening from her. It's beautiful. Don't worry if you can't make it to early minion. Most kids do not go to an early minion I'm the only woman usually there wow, okay like what time does?
Speaker 2:like an old lady, we had a sleepover and I told her about it because we were gonna wake up early sleepover friday night and she said maybe if you're up early then we could go Like I won't wake you up, if you're up then we'll just like get ready and we'll talk on the phone. It starts at 7 o'clock. We usually get up at 6, 18.
Speaker 1:That is very early.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm usually not up Like we missed it that time because of we just missed that. She's like okay, great, yeah, you were up and then I was still sleeping. Yeah, I was trying to wake up. I'm like Emma, emma, emma. I'm usually a deep sleeper, but if a friend is over I can't like go to sleep. I have to make sure they're like not snoring. I'm used to it because my sister, please, snores.
Speaker 1:I think underratedly. It's just that they don't always have someone to point it out to them. What lesson do you think that you can share with other kids about how to be a good friend to anyone else that needs a friend?
Speaker 2:You don't always need to play with the same friend every single second you could have a small break.
Speaker 1:What should you do if you see somebody else who needs a friend?
Speaker 2:I want to ask them questions like what's your favorite color? What do you like? I'll play with them for a little bit so I get to know them and then maybe I can find a friend. That's their personality.
Speaker 1:Hmm, interesting, you would like make a shirach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're not gonna get it.
Speaker 1:And also it's okay to be like friendly with a lot of people. They don't need to be your best friend or even a good friend. They could just be someone that you're would have thought you could connect with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like someone near me in my seat I can go with friends with them. But like I'm friends with them, like if they need anything I'll help them, like.
Speaker 1:I would play with them. Do you think it's?
Speaker 2:nice to walk because, like other people don't have best friends, or like they can't find a friend that's good for them. They only have like a few. That's not so nice. Like you're bragging about it. Like also, some people could tell that we're just friends because, like we're sometimes matching for a show barbecue, I brought her a walkie talkie and we were talking together and we're talking together.
Speaker 1:We both were wearing red shirts and black skirts but you see how, how it's such a we call it like a fine line between being in people's faces about it and then just being normal, like you really have to be friends because it's normal to be friends. But like I think, like what Emma just said about realizing that other people can actually be thinking they could be jealous of the fact that you guys have each other. It's just not nice to stick it into people's faces like that. People's faces like that. So just having that awareness is a very, very, very important thing. Yeah, wow, you guys are awesome. What's in the plans for today?
Speaker 2:Maybe like a park or something. Yeah, I might go with her. Oh, are you coming?
Speaker 1:to the carnival my girls are making. I don't know. My girls are making a carnival at one o'clock. You should come Really.
Speaker 2:Where, at your house.
Speaker 1:In my backyard. Well, it's in 20 minutes. That's why my job is to do the face paint. So I have to run up there now and I have to find the face paint because I have no idea where it is. Ada and emma, thank you so much for joining incredible kids over here. You each are incredible kids in your own way. What do you want to say to everybody?
Speaker 2:bye. Thank you for having us, and I hope you have a good friend too, me you're talking to me.
Speaker 1:No, oh, to like kids listening. Well, I also could use some good friends.
Speaker 1:It could be your friend it never ends, by the way, it never, ever ends. You have to work on friendships your entire life. Yeah Bye, thanks for joining us. What do you get when you mix incredible kids with Thank you experience? This is not just a concert. It's an immersive, next-level celebration for families. It's hype, it's heart, it's energy like you've never seen before.
Speaker 1:Mark your calendars June 24th Ritz Theater, new Jersey. Tickets are officially live. So run, run, run. What do you have to do? Visit wwwincrediblekidsorg. Slash unmuted and grab your seats before they're gone.
Speaker 1:If this is the kind of thing your kids will remember forever, it's worth traveling in for Incredible Kids. Unmuted the experience. Let your family feel the power of being part of something big. Sponsorship opportunities available. Reach out to ikevents at incrediblekidsorg and now prepare yourselves to listen to this incredible mother and daughter duo, rivka and Nechama Fishman, all the way from Texas. Okay, so this is fun because I'm here in Baltimore. Mrs Fishman, as she wants to be called, rivka, and Nechama Fishman, who is the daughter, is not currently at home. So, rivka, you live where I live in Houston, texas Very cool. Nechama. Where do you live where I live in Houston, texas, very cool. Nahama. Where do you go to school? Wilmington, delaware. Oh my gosh, you're near me. Yeah, I didn't realize that there was even a high school in Wilmington, delaware. That's so cool. Yeah, that's three years old. Wow, is it Chabad? Yeah, is your family Chabad? Yeah?
Speaker 4:We try to be is what we say.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's amazing. Wilmington, delaware I just know the Delaware rest stop because when we're on the way to New York or New Jersey we always pass through. Delaware has a really good rest stop. It has massage chairs, clean bathrooms. We like that rest stop. It's a very popular one.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, nachama, thanks for joining us. This is actually very exciting because, as you know, nahama actually reached out to me two years ago at least, maybe something like that or almost two years ago, I don't know through email and sometimes I'm not great at responding to emails and this is testament to that, but I'm always reading them. This shows I do store them in my memory somewhere. And you reached out to me, nahama, and said something unbelievable about a book that your mother had written as a result of an experience that you had in school. And now, fast forward two years.
Speaker 1:Last week, my son, shlomo, dug this book Benny the Bucket Filler up from under the couch somewhere. This is how kids are. They like want to hear a book like a thousand times, like you times, like you have to read it, like until it's like getting on everyone's nerves. And I basically read the book Benny the Bucket Filler probably 18 times this week, and then when I'm reading it I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm pretty sure this Bucket Filler series Sarah the Buck, we have both the books Sarah and Benny were written by your mom and you had told me the origin story in the email. So I went back to my email and here we are now and we coordinated this interview really quickly and now I want to hear the backstory. We're going to go back to the beginning. Can you just give us a little introduction about yourself, nahama?
Speaker 3:Yeah, sure, I'm Nahama Fishman. I'm from Houston, texas. I'm 15 years old and I'm in ninth grade.
Speaker 1:Okay, amazing. You went to elementary school in Texas, so this is your first year. Are you boarding somewhere, are you yeah?
Speaker 2:It's a dorm or someone's house.
Speaker 1:Yeah a dorm, was it an adjustment. So before we get to the origin story, like I keep calling it, I just think it sounds cool. It sounds almost like the Avengers or something. The origins right, like where did this come from? Tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do and who you are.
Speaker 4:Sure, so I am a teacher here in Houston. I've been a teacher for over 20 years. After I was teaching for maybe seven years, I was very bothered by kids who weren't always being nice and at first I thought, okay, maybe their parents weren't teaching them to be nice. But then I got kids in my class that I knew their parents very well. They were my friends, and I got my own kids in my class and I said one minute, I know how these kids are being raised. They have really nice parents who teach them to be really nice. Why are they not being nice all the time? So I searched and I searched and I found some methods to help teach kids. Unfortunately, you can't force anybody to do anything, so you can't make kids be nice all the time. That's the goal. We should all be nice all the time. We have to teach good midos and have good midos and be kind. But what I really learned was how to teach kids to be what I call bully proof, which is to stay happy.
Speaker 4:Bully proof yes, to stay happy, even if somebody else is being mean to them and even if somebody else is leaving them out. I was teaching fourth grade at the time. I taught fourth grade for 15 years. I'm teaching fifth grade and middle school these days and it was working really well. I was helping a lot of my students stay happy. I was speaking in a lot of different cities and then Hama got into kindergarten and she was being bullied by somebody in her class, and that's not a word that I use lightly.
Speaker 1:People use the word bullying even when somebody is just bossing them around, which it's different, right, and but they'll be too quick to say, like she's bullying me, it's like okay, like let's see what's actually happening.
Speaker 4:Yes, and it's not okay to be mean and it's not okay to be rude, but sometimes mean, rude and bossy people call it bullying, when it's not and bullying is much more serious. But when Nechama was in kindergarten it was so constant that it kind of was like bullying and I started telling her all of the different things that worked for my older students, but she was really too young to start to use those things. Do you want to take over Nachama?
Speaker 1:Well, Nachama, this was a long time ago you must have been how old Kindergarten was like. What five, six.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so it wasn't working. And then my mother started telling me the story time at night and she called it Sarah the Bucket Filler. My second name is Sarah. She would just make the whole story.
Speaker 1:She taught me how to be a bucket filler.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we'll get into that in a minute, but before we even get into the bucket filler conversation, you, as the mom, you saw that you needed a way to, like, teach her certain skills, big people, stuff. You needed to be able to find a way to take this heavy information that you wanted her to have so that she can stand up to the bullies, or whatever you needed to do right, or whatever. You'll tell us what those skills are, and you're like how can I teach this to my five, six year old? Like, how can I get her to understand what's going on here? Like, why is she being bullied? So you did it in the form of storytelling.
Speaker 1:I know kids love to hear stories. My kids love to hear stories at night. I like to hear stories at night. Sometimes I tell my kids why don't you tell me about Time Story? So you use that opportunity to tell us Are you the oldest, nachaba? No, I'm second youngest, wow, okay. So what number are you in the family? Five, wow. I love that, though, because it sounds like such an oldest thing to do. I'm getting like inspiration from you as a mom. That's what I'm doing right now, because I feel like sometimes like. But if you're oldest, you're, like, so worried and you're like I have to figure out what to do. And it's amazing to see how a beautiful child number five you're still thinking of new ways to get to them. That's really amazing. Okay, that was a side point. So Nakama would be going to sleep and you tell her these stories of Sarah the bucket filler. Okay, now we need you to tell us what that is all about.
Speaker 4:So what I was teaching older kids if somebody is being mean to you, there's something going on with them. When somebody's happy and they feel great about themselves, they're not going around trying to ruin somebody else's day. So if somebody's being mean to you, something's going on with them. So when you can remember that that there's something going on with the other person, it's a lot easier to not let that bother you. You're still going to feel not so happy because it never feels good when somebody's mean to you. But if you can be, I say like an actress in a play and act to them like it doesn't bother you and still say kind, it changes the whole perspective for you. It means that it's not ruining your whole day, it's not ruining your week, your life or when you're an adult. You're not still ruined by the fact that somebody was being mean to you.
Speaker 4:But that was a really hard thing to teach a five-year-old, a six-year-old. And then I discovered these bucket books. There's lots of books about bucket filling by lots of authors. We fill our bucket. When we're nice, we fill yours too.
Speaker 2:when we help, we fill our bucket when we smile.
Speaker 4:I figured, okay, one of them is going to be about bullying. But they weren't None of them, Except for like a line here or there that says that bucket dipping is about bullying.
Speaker 1:You're saying that there was a lot of books out there talking about the concept of people having this bucket, but like none of the books that you found were going to really help Nachama's issue and the issue that any kid facing bullying would face. Nachama, explain to us what is the bucket. I think a lot of kids, by the way, are familiar, maybe because they read your book, or maybe because they read a different book or they heard about it somewhere. But it's a really awesome thing and I want both of you together to teach this to anyone listening and if they heard it before, they could hear it again. It's really really good to hear because it's something you can do in your imagination.
Speaker 3:That's so powerful. Now, how about to explain to us what, what the concept is? Yeah, sure, so. A bucket holds your good feelings about yourself, and when your bucket is full, you're really happy. And when your bucket is empty, are you feeling like sad, or whatever.
Speaker 1:Is this like a real bucket? Like where is the bucket?
Speaker 3:no, it's an invisible bucket and you have to imagine it hey, do you want to make believe with me?
Speaker 4:so what I say in in Sarah the Bucket Filler is that sometimes kids think that if they feel bad about themselves, they can dip into your bucket, make you feel bad and then that will make them feel better. But that really doesn't work at all. When somebody is being mean to you and you can have a picture in your mind like, wow, they must have a really empty bucket going on, I kind of feel bad for them that they have an empty bucket and that's why they're bothering me, not because there's actually anything wrong with me. There's something else about bucket filling.
Speaker 4:Hashem created us in a really amazing way that when we do nice things for other people, we feel good ourselves. So when we fill somebody else's bucket, our bucket fills up and we are focusing not so much on somebody else who's being mean to me, but we're looking around, thinking, ok, what nice things can I do for other people? Can I hold the door open? Can I pick up my morose pencil that fell on the floor? Can I help my friend with her homework? Can I smile at the younger kid who looks a little bit sad? When we're not as focused on what's happening to us and we're thinking about what we could do for other people. Really we're helping ourselves. It's a pretty amazing concept.
Speaker 1:Right. So you're filling their bucket and your bucket's getting a little fuller also at the same time. Not just that, you're not losing, you're both gaining For the listener who's like trying to imagine what we're talking about. Imagine that you walk into the kitchen and you see your mother look right over her head and there's this bucket. Imagine it.
Speaker 1:Remember, it's not real. There's like an empty bucket over your mother's head, or full or medium, or something. It's always changing, at least if you're like me, right In my house. There's days that I'm walking around and it's very obvious that my bucket is quite empty, and there are days that it is full, and that is part of life. But we all know that it feels the best when your bucket is pretty full. So that's the picture. Think about it. Everyone you meet has that bucket on top of their head, everyone so your teacher at school, every single kid in your class, the janitor, the mailman, everyone, the dog maybe next door Everyone has a bucket on top of their head. So anyone who you could possibly give to has that bucket on top of their head. Whatever you're doing, you could just imagine how much is in their bucket, how much is not in their bucket. So, nechama. So your mother would tell you this story specifically about this made up girl named Sarah at the time, who was named kind of for you right. Yeah, was it helping?
Speaker 3:right away. I think it took some time for me to get used to it and be nice, even when it wasn't easy, but it got easier. And it wasn't always easy, but it definitely made it easier. Nechama, did you have other situations, but it definitely made it easier.
Speaker 4:Did you have other situations I mean, that was like your major practice when you were little but have you had other situations through the years where you had to use that skill that you learned when you were very young? Yeah for sure. I could tell you that one of my students went to high school. She was somebody I had worked with for a long time and I texted her once. She was there to see how it was going and she's like it was great.
Speaker 4:My whole class just went out for pizza and there wasn't a chair at the table. So I pulled the chair into the table and this girl who was sitting there said, oh look, who's trying to fit herself in where she doesn't belong. That was what I said. Like yeah, she said she must have just been afraid that I was coming and gonna take all of her friends or something. Wow, I was so used to seeing it that way that she saw right away that this person has an empty bucket. And because she has an empty bucket, it's not about me. It's not about the fact that I pulled my chair in or that I'm trying to find friends in a new class. Lots of times when I speak to parents and their kids are going through something like this, I say your kid is getting great practice right now when they're with you, all the time for something that they're going to use for their whole entire life.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow. It's true. I was just in a situation where I was with a group of adults and they were saving a seat for somebody. Another person came along and tried to sit there, not realizing that the seat was being saved, and which, in general, I really don't like the whole saving seats thing. Even if it's such good intentions, it never makes anyone feel good. And anyways, it was an adult who said, uh-uh, you can't sit there, that seat's being saved. I'm not calling her a bully because it was a one-off incident, but it wasn't nice.
Speaker 1:And I thought to myself like it's up to the person who approached the chair to sit in it to decide how they want to react right now, because they could be very upset and they could be very hurt and they could be very angry, and then they could walk around feeling what you know sad, upset, hurt and angry, and we know that hurt people, hurt people and then they're going to go around being like that at least for the rest of the day, right, so that could be very damaging and it's still such a sad thing that that has to happen to a person.
Speaker 1:But imagine the person feels healthy about themselves and feels like no, no, no, this is not my problem. That person obviously has a very empty bucket right and you can make up in your head. Sometimes we know what the empty, but sometimes we can figure it out right, like you said, like it sounds like that girl in the new school really, really was good at figuring, like she was like you call it like a social detective right, like she knows how. I know it's in the back of your book. See, I read all of the details the back of the book like are the best part of the books.
Speaker 4:I'll be honest, like it's a great story for kids. But parents, if you read the back of the book with your kids like kids tell your parents to read the back of the book to you. Or you read the back of the book or read the back of the book to your younger siblings. It like has a lot.
Speaker 1:So just, I think a social detective is a really important skill let's get to the book in a minute, because I want to first finish the story about what happened next. You had this great series of this story, this make-believe story that you kind of were making up as it was going with Nakama at that time. Right At some point it became a book. So how did that happen?
Speaker 3:I think I just turned to her one night and I was like Mommy, you should make this into a book because I knew it would help so many other people, just like it was helping me, and then she thought it was a good idea.
Speaker 1:That sounds like a very daunting task, though. Did you have any experience with writing a book?
Speaker 4:I had no experience with writing a book. I did a lot of writing, but not professionally, but I wrote it down. I gave it to a friend of mine who's an editor. She helped me with a few different things. I sent it to a bunch of publishers. Editor. She helped me with a few different things. I sent it to a bunch of publishers. We're going back eight years now. The word a few of them used was we don't use bibliotherapy, so bibliotherapy is like therapy in a book. I guess talking too much about feelings Jewish ahead of the times Now every.
Speaker 4:I mean my kids are a little too old for them, but like every time I'm in a bookstore, I look and there's just so much bibliotherapy, so many books that talk about those books, and then, lucky bar, hashem hashgaha, I found mosaic, oppressed, who makes such beautiful books, and they said, yes, we're gonna do this book. And I couldn't be. Don't give up. If you have something that you want to accomplish, find a way.
Speaker 1:It'll happen. Dr Seuss right, there's a famous story about him. I think the 28th publisher published his first book. I'm pretty sure I remember the number 28, but it could be more than that. You're in good company. People really persevere, yeah. So what happened?
Speaker 4:It became a book, moras all over the place decided that they need to use it in their classrooms. Even though I was very busy with my kids and with teaching, the book kind of sold itself all over the place without me really having to do anything, which I'm so happy about, because really I didn't write it for any other reason except for for kids to be able to stay happy and be kind to each other, and so the more kids that learn that message, faster Moshiach will be here.
Speaker 1:Nachama, were you so proud of your mother when this whole thing came about?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so cool. How many copies of?
Speaker 1:the books do you have lying around your house? A lot so cool. How many copies of the books do you have lying around your house? A lot like. You give it to all your friends for birthday presents, so they're like no more no, like sometimes my mother ships them out to people when stories run out.
Speaker 3:So we have like two shelves of sarah, the bucket filler, and two shelves of benny right, okay, so there's sarah the bucket filler and then there's benny.
Speaker 1:I'm assuming sar came first and there's a journal and a journal. Okay, I don't even know about the journal. So Sarah came first, sarah the Bucket Filler, and how long after that did the book Benny the Bucket Filler come out?
Speaker 4:Three or four years later, if I'm not mistaken, there's a scene that overlaps in both books. That's how the books are connected. It's not quite a sequel, it's kind of they both are happening almost on the same day. Benny is Sarah's cousin. Sarah had filled Benny's bucket and he didn't even quite realize what it was, because he was having such a bad day because kids were leaving him out.
Speaker 1:It has a lot of levels to it. I want to go back to one point, though, that, nahama, in your email that you wrote to me two years ago I don't know if you remember this you wrote, and it's so amazing because my mother sent a picture of me to the illustrator to make the illustrated Sarah look like you, and you even sent a picture of your shoes. Right, oh yeah. So she drew a copy of your actual shoes. You must have been so proud of yourself to be like the main character in this book.
Speaker 1:Did your friends pick up on that? Did people notice? Yeah, I mean I told my friends. Well, yeah, I wouldn't think that you would have told anyone people notice? Yeah, I mean I told my friends.
Speaker 4:Well, yeah, I wouldn't think that you would tell anyone. That's very second grade. She was in a video that I made to teach kids bully proofing skills, and so she would get to camp and I had trained all the counselors at her camp, because I do camp counselor trainings. They were like, oh, you were the one from the video. I was speaking about bully proofing even before, but then it just brought it to another level.
Speaker 1:Once you write a book, you are. Then you could sign something. Who's a good lecturer without a book to sign? You know, and like you need to have some sort of line to like line up for something. That's very, very exciting. Actually it's funny. We were talking about the drawings of the book. There is a woman here in Baltimore. She wrote a series of books like a thousand years ago called Dove Dove. You ever heard of the Dove Dove books?
Speaker 4:Yes, that rings a bell from a hundred years ago.
Speaker 1:I said a thousand, it was only a hundred. Okay, so I think her name is Mrs Yona Weinberg, who wrote the books. My grandmother gave them all to my kids so they're all at my house now and I remember hearing that the kids that were illustrated in the book were kids on Yeshiva Lane that lived on the block in Baltimore. Now the illustrated version of these kids are all like grandmothers in their own right, you know, and they live on forever in the Dove Dove books. Like it's just fun that as an illustrator and an author, you have this creative license. You can name the character after your daughter. You can even use the same shoes in there. Like you know it's cute for you guys and it's almost like if you never told anyone. Like your family will always like know that. You know it's just just like a fun thing and also it's so special. Like nahama, you probably felt like a million dollars, like you were part of your mom's project.
Speaker 1:So now that these books are out and obviously you feel so strongly that you want to be able to help kids who are in these kind of situations as we know, these situations are everywhere like we can try really hard to teach about bullying from today until tomorrow, and yet just there probably will always be situations like that in every school and in every camp. So I always feel like number one. Everyone has to know that it's not okay, but you're not alone. Every day can't be amazing. So if you're feeling like a shriveled up raisin and you want to give up, just remember that you're not alone. No, no, you're not alone. Remember that you're not alone. No, no, you're not alone. Remember that you're not alone. No, no, you're not alone.
Speaker 1:Kids go through hard things. Adults go through hard things. People go through hard things and they take it out on other people who don't deserve it. It's just something that happens. If we learn how to deal with it, we'll be so much better off. At the back of the book, one of your notes to parents, I believe and you can tell me if I'm wrong was parents, don't call the bully's mother. I thought that was such a wise thing to write and very brave of you to write, because I could see a lot of people being like what are you talking about? Someone's going to mess my kid.
Speaker 4:I'm going to punch them. Call the teacher, call the school. Don't try to get to the bully yourself. Am I correct about that? A hundred percent? I have spoken to people just in the last month, one mother it was her niece being mean to her daughter. So she's like I could call my sister my sister is not. You know, I have a very good relationship with my sister Did not go well. Somebody else had approached another kid's mother and it went really well. A week later it didn't go well the second time.
Speaker 4:Asking the school to help is so much better and I know as kids we want our parents to come and save the day, we want them to fix everything for us, but really we can't control what other people are doing. Our parents can't control what other people are doing. Even that kid's parents really can't necessarily control that their kid is coming to school and being mean to you. But what we can control is our own reaction, how we're going to react, what we're going to focus on. We can keep our own bucket full because that's the one that we're in charge of. We're not in charge of anybody else's bucket, except we definitely can put things into other people's buckets by filling it up. Our bucket is the one that we are in control of. That's important to remember. Wonderful.
Speaker 1:Yes, going back to your example that you said before about your student who went to a new high school and right away she was in a situation where somebody was being mean to her oh look, who's trying to fit in her chair. She obviously had the bully-proofing mark on her that she knew. Okay, that girl is probably worried that I'm going to steal her friends, but then what's she supposed to do in that situation? Should she stay anyways? Should she go find somewhere else? What would you advise that girl in that situation?
Speaker 4:What I always recommend for people to do, no matter what age they are and this is part of the message in the Betty book is find people to be around that you feel good with. Sometimes it feels like it's not possible, sometimes you feel like, no, no, I wanna be friends with them, I wanna play with them, I wanna hang out with them, I wanna be invited to their house. But when you can like zoom back a little bit, you can see, wow, there's other people here that I can be friendly with. Maybe there's a kid in the grade below me that I can go hang out with at recess, or maybe there's somebody in my class or a few somebodies in my class that are a little bit more quiet. I can hang out with them. I don't have to be friends with the people who are kind of pushing me away.
Speaker 4:What happens is when you find other things to do and you're not trying to force yourself into a situation and I don't mean bringing a chair up to the table, because that's a good thing to do, to try to join things you can find out that you can be happy and that the other people might not be pushing you out as much when they feel like you're not trying to force yourself into a friendship. There's always going to be something to do, and if you're not sure who to hang out with or what you can do, ask a teacher or ask your parents. I feel left out. What can I do so that I don't just focus on the fact that I'm feeling left out all the time and they might have some great ideas for you. They don't need to solve the problem for you, especially if you're already 10 or 11. Those are things you could do yourself, but trusted adults are really great people to be able to give you advice to stay happy and keep your bucket full.
Speaker 1:In the Benny book, I know exactly what you're talking about. He and keep your bucket full. In the Benny book, I know exactly what you're talking about. He kept trying to play with certain boys. He had his part on these boys and when they wouldn't include him or one boy, then he kind of just shut down and he's like then I won't do anything at all. But he didn't even think about joining the kids doing other stuff. Oh, there's other kids on the swings, there's other kids playing baseball, like you can go else. And yet only later in this book does he realize he can do that. He does have an opportunity to actually be nice to the bully, but that doesn't always come up and that's not even I would say. I mean, you can weigh in on this, but we have to like, not be mean to them, but like you don't have to go out of our way to be nice to them.
Speaker 4:If that's uncomfortable, I agree. When it works, then that's great. You know, in the Sarah the bucket Filler book where she keeps saying nice things to Dina even though Dina's being mean. Not every kid can do that. You can try. But at the end of Sarah the Bucket Filler, sarah and Dina aren't best friends, skipping off together to the playground. Dina runs off but the Mora notices what Sarah did and she winks at Sarah. And Sarah felt good about herself because she realized I can be a bucket filler and Dina can't take that away from me.
Speaker 4:And in the other book, benny realizes I can have fun at recess and this A-team, the kid who's not letting him play. And then the other two kids. One of them didn't realize what was going on, the other one was too shy and scared to try to speak up. They can stay happy anyways, because we're in charge of ourselves. We are not in control of anybody else. And even when you were mentioning before about how, when we look around, we could see everybody has a bucket and we can do things to fill their buckets. We can totally fill other people's buckets and we should fill other people's buckets, but we're not in charge of their buckets. So if somebody's bucket stays empty, even though we've done things to fill it, it's okay. We are filling their bucket, but it's not our job to make sure that their bucket stays full. Everybody's in charge of their own bucket. So doing nice things for other people, having offices for all all of that is amazing and important, but it's still important to remember that everybody is in charge of their own bucket only.
Speaker 1:And it's a beautiful thing because that means that if something does not go our way, then it's really in our power to decide how full we want our bucket to be. Do I want to let it drain to empty? Nobody really wants that, but I can work and keep doing positive actions, like you said, to keep our buckets full or at least try to fill them up. Now we're in Sfiras HaOmer. I really thought this was a nice topic to talk about as we get closer to Shavuos. In general throughout the Jewish year, every time we come through a time period, there's something to be done about that, like meaning. There's something holy about right now, and right now, all Jewish people, everyone at one time, is working on friendships, working on how to love each other in a true way, respect each other Kind of repair.
Speaker 1:What happened with, maybe, rabbi Akiva's students and really getting ourselves ready to be able to accept Torah by all working on our midos. People are learning Pirkei Avos. There's so many beautiful things that happen at this time of year. I love it. It's like everyone's just growing and growing and growing and we're blossoming, because then it's going to be Shavuos and it's all about flowers, and I just feel like this whole process is just a beautiful time to really really think about how we could connect better with other people, and that's really, I think, what Hashem wants from us right now. So, talking about bucket filling, continuing to do these positive actions toward others, which ends up being so rewarding for ourselves, I think that's so important for right now. So I'm wondering how can bucket filling right now be something that kids can work on? Anyone listening can work on during this time? Nahama, do you have any ideas?
Speaker 3:Yeah, if you see someone that looks sad or looks like they need a little bit of something to make them a little happier, and you can give them a compliment. Or, if you're too shy for that, you could just smile them and it will make them happier and it will make their day better go out of your way.
Speaker 4:Make someone's day now.
Speaker 2:That's the name of the game because we are towers of light. We have the power to do what is right.
Speaker 4:Let's illuminate the night. There is so much we can do to make this world A kinder, better, happier place.
Speaker 1:There is so much we can do. A smile is huge. You said just smile. But a smile in itself can go such a long way. Such a long way. I've had people say to me thank you for the smile Like did anyone ever say that? To you when you smiled at them.
Speaker 4:I made a video with a crossing guard in our neighborhood. It's this unbelievable thing. At first people thought she was crazy, but then she became a fixture in everybody's morning. She waves at everybody passing by, literally jumping up and down and smiling. One day I got out of my car with my camera and I said to her what makes you so excited so early in the morning, waving to everybody. The kids fight over who gets to sit next to the window. The crossing guard is going to be near just so that they can be the closest to her wave. It makes everybody's day Like it's a game changer.
Speaker 4:And she said you know, you never know what's going on with other people and you never know when they need that smile and your smile can really make a difference in their day. And it's so true. You just never know when the tiniest drop in somebody else's bucket is exactly what they need. And you can be the one to do that for them. We have that power and sometimes you smile at somebody, you wave at somebody, you do something nice for somebody. They might be in such a bad place that they might not even smile back or say hi back, but you've made their bucket just a little bit fuller and when they go on to the next person, they are able to then be a little bit nicer to the other person. It's this chain of events that if we jump on it, and you're right, it's Spiros HaOmer, it's Omos Shavuos. When everybody stood at Har Sinai all together, Ki'i shachad be'leib achad.
Speaker 4:When we can find these little opportunities to be kind, to give a smile, to do something nice for somebody else, to hold the door open for somebody, whatever we see to be able to do, it's super important. And it helps us too, when we're not so focused on what people are doing to us or what's wrong with my day and we instead put our focus on why am I here in this world? Hashem put me in this world. I'm meant to be here. I'm super special. I have a piece of Hashem inside of me with my neshama. I am here to make this world a better place. What am I going to do today to make the world a better place? Like nakama said, look for that person who needs that smile it's also something you could practice inside your house.
Speaker 1:This is not something crazy that, like, you need to be in this unique situation to be able to practice this. You literally could practice on your sister. You could practice on anyone like I could think of four billion things to do right now when I go upstairs, when this is finished, to try to fill someone's bucket. They may, like you said, they may not notice, they might think I'm weird, but it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:It counts if I went upstairs right now and I was like you look so beautiful.
Speaker 1:I don't know whatever they may like, ma what just happened in your interview? But who doesn't feel good when someone says they look beautiful?
Speaker 4:Moods are contagious, bad moods are contagious, scared moods are contagious and happy moods are contagious.
Speaker 1:Let's spread that. Yeah, let's definitely spread that. Nahama, have you ever been in a situation where you filled someone's bucket and you saw the results of that like right away?
Speaker 3:Yeah, even in my dorm, if someone looks like they're having a bad day, I'm like, oh, like your lunch looked really good today, or like eating something so random Like you see, what a difference it makes, just find something nice to share with them.
Speaker 1:Say to them to give them a little pick-me-up. Yeah, wow, it's amazing. This is such a wholesome conversation. I really hope that anyone who's listening through this till the end realizes how rewarding this is. Like you might be laughing at the concept, like a little nerdy thing, like there's no bucket on top of my head. It's not even true. Yes, okay, as we said, it's imaginary. No one said that we're making you believe something. That's not, but it works. So I don't care what you say, you know what I'm saying. I'm just going to say this for all the people who roll their eyes and say that's so interesting. I'm not the type to imagine things. Okay, fine, so don't imagine it, but it's true and it works. People's feelings are real. Baruch Hashem, we live in a time when people are publishing books about our feelings left and right, because everybody has feelings and people are finally realizing that our feelings matter and they're important. So we're aware.
Speaker 1:Yes, bullying exists. People sometimes get in these situations, but we're much bigger than that. We can handle it and we can grow from it. And, nachama, think about it. If you never had that situation in kindergarten, who knows if your mother would have grown her movement. I mean, you seem like a very passionate person, don't get me wrong, and you were already talking about bullying before. I'm sure it would still bother you to see someone being bullied, but because you had this story, instead of just sinking in the misery, you grew from it and you're bringing this beautiful change. I don't know. It's an amazing thing to think about how many classrooms benefited from this and this whole method that you brought to life through this. I love this story. I think this is just such an amazing example of how people can make a difference with their challenges.
Speaker 4:For sure Our challenges can help us grow if we let them and if we get great help to get our challenges to be something we can grow from. Thank you, mommy. Welcome to Hama.
Speaker 1:Oh, this is so sweet, I think I should go. I go to a habura. We learned together a few friends with a mentor, somebody that actually brought up the Sarah and Benny, the Backefeller books. Um, she said I read them to my kids and they teach me as an adult to remember this concept. Some of the people in the group knew the book, some didn't. She was like you guys have to get it and I was like just listening and I'm like, oh my gosh, I love it, thanks for telling me that yeah, I'm saying'm saying it really.
Speaker 1:It has an effect Like we don't realize that taking action is so, so, so important. If it's the right thing for you and you had this collage, you did something unbelievable. You published two books. What's this journal? I didn't know about the journal.
Speaker 4:I have a journal that has a lot of the concepts of both Benny and Sarah and it helps kids remember to be kind and resilient.
Speaker 4:What does resilient mean for those of us who don't know Kind of what I was saying before, almost like to stay happy even if things aren't going our way. So to look at, what tools do I have inside to be able to get over this? What kinds of things can I do when I'm feeling stressed out? Do I like to listen to music or color or dance? We all can learn all of those things. There's just different prompts and ability to color in it and write in it. Actually, a few classrooms are using it as a way to start class each day.
Speaker 1:They order enough for everybody to have in the class and they work on it. I love that. It's very specific. I probably said this before on the podcast, but I'll say it again. When I was teaching kindergarten, before everybody would line up for recess, I would say we're all going to strive to be a buddy today. We're going to stay away from being a bully and we're going to be a buddy. We're going to choose to be a buddy and we would explain what it looked like. Kids would give examples of what they look out for.
Speaker 1:Another important conversation that could be a whole other conversation is about the kid on the side who's not being the bully, but he's like the bystander and he's kind of like standing by and he feels a little too shy to stand up for himself, but like he watches what's going on and he doesn't like the way that this boy is being treated. I always told them I was like guys and I'm being serious. You will never see me get so hurt and upset as I do when someone shares with me that somebody was being mean to them at recess and if there would be some sort of bullying. That's when I get really sad. You don't do well with your math. You didn't do your homework, okay, whatever. I wasn't that kind of teacher that went crazy over those things. I was like. But for this, when it has to do with someone's feelings and this child is the whole world and he's so special or she's so special and you're not recognizing it and you're hurting them like I literally am sad. That is making me very sad and if you care about me, please don't do that. But I was like that's the only time you're really gonna see me upset, not angry, just just broken. I feel broken. I feel broken when I see other kids being played around with their feelings that way. Don't do that. Like, don't, don't make me cry. It was painful.
Speaker 1:And when you're a teacher and you're Moira, so you know, like you're a teacher, teachers who see kids being teased or hear about it, like we feel pain, it's awful, and the parents feel the same way when they hear about it and the children feel awful. Everyone feels awful and a lot of times the one who's causing the pain doesn't even want that. Really, they're just like you said, we'll go back to it. They're struggling with something, their bucket is empty and they're not necessarily thinking, oh, let's see, what could I do today to make everyone's life miserable, like they just act that way because they're going through this and it's hard. It's really really, really hard. It's a rough recess out there sometimes, but it could also be such a beautiful recess. Hopefully, with all this awareness, everybody will know what to do when they find themselves in those tricky situations. Find those buddies who are going to be your friends through and through.
Speaker 4:Yes, and sometimes you just need one. Really, it's hard to be lonely and something that moras can do is to help a kid find somebody who they can be with, you know, and then kids should be open to, like I mentioned. Just okay, maybe it's not going to be the person that I grew up with who is always my best friend. Maybe there's other people I could be friends with so that I don't have to be just lonely and bored and upset the whole recess.
Speaker 1:And sometimes it forces you to make new friends who, like you said, are different than you would have expected.
Speaker 4:Yes, and it turns out to be great. You have to get through the initial like oh, but I was so comfortable with the friends that I had. You like oh, but I was so comfortable with the friends that I had. You could be happier than you were before, and don't be afraid to ask somebody to help you along the way, for that in-between time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, nahama, what do you have to say about that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, even if it's like, oh, I don't want to hang out with this girl, like, try it, it might be really might work out really well.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you never knew their personality until you really had a nice walk with them around the playground. Then you're like, oh my gosh, this girl is a blast. We share the same interests. There's so many things you don't know about a person until you give it a shot. Then you'll be the kind of person that is open to all types of friends. There's so much to talk about with friendship.
Speaker 1:I think also something very important is that a lot of people feel threatened. Going back to that story about your old student who told you about how that girl felt like oh my gosh, someone's going to take away my friend. People get very worried about people taking away their friends. It's like a thing Like in general. Maybe it's more girls than boys. I don't know exactly what the dynamic is, but in general I feel like people get very worried about that, Like, oh my gosh, she's my best friend, and then what's going to happen? All right, like they freak out. But if everyone realizes, it's fine, you could have multiple friends, you can balance it. I think people just need to relax a little bit. But you know also, we can't tell that to the person who is, you know, making the problem here necessarily. In general it's just a good thing for kids to know it's okay If you see somebody trying to be friends with someone who you think is your best friend, then they might be. But it's okay, there's room.
Speaker 1:Friendships is a beautiful thing. It's almost like when I became a mother and I had one daughter, I was so grateful to Hashem I had this child. I wondered when I was expecting my second child this is a really weird thing to say, but it just like kind of fits. I was like, am I going to be able to love her as much as I love my first child? Like, do I have like room in my heart for? And then guess what there was. There was a different relationship with my second child and I love both of them tons. It didn't even like change. And then Baruch Hashem with my third child. It just Hashem gives us the ability to be able to care and love for so many people.
Speaker 1:And I think the same is true with anyone, with your friends, with your neighbors, Same is true with anyone with your friends, with your neighbors. There's no limit. You don't just say like, OK, I can't, that's it, I'm at my maximum. Someone told me that they're very comfortable. They're an adult. They said they're very comfortable, they're not making any new friends. Now I was like this is awkward, but it's the weirdest thing to say. Like I'm very comfortable, I have enough friends at this stage of my life, like I'm closed, like my shop is closed and like I don't think I was yes, there's.
Speaker 4:There's so many times that I'm with adults and I just think in my head and I don't say it, but I think in my head is this seventh grade or are we grown up now? You know?
Speaker 1:yes, you can't judge them. They didn't have sorrow the buck a filler. They didn't have incredible kids of the Bucca Filler, they didn't have Incredible Kids.
Speaker 4:This is true, yes, or any Jewish books about feelings, right Exactly, or any books about feelings.
Speaker 1:How could you blame them? We're all learning together. Now it's not too late. Not too late. It was such a pleasure meeting you both. I love your mission. It's so, so, so important. It's so fun to meet people who care so much about kids and realizing how powerful it could be when we make real change. So cheers, cheers to change, cheers to emotionally healthy children.
Speaker 4:Amain. Thank you so much, marat, siri, for all the great stuff that you do for so many kids, giving them such a great podcast to listen to and fun things to watch. Thank you, I appreciate that.
Speaker 1:And now it's time for homework. Oh, come on, not that kind, okay, everybody. I was completely inspired and blown away by this episode, by producing this episode, by the many hours that I put into editing this episode, but, most of all, I'm excited for everyone at home to have the opportunity to practice being a bucket filler. I'm going to be very honest with you. After my conversation with the Fishmans, I really was getting to thinking about bucket filling Like it was just on my mind.
Speaker 1:It makes sense, right, like I talked about it so much and I'm sitting here editing it and listening to it again and again and throughout the Shabbos afterwards I couldn't help myself but think about those buckets.
Speaker 1:And every single interaction that I had, whether it was a family or neighbors or people in the community, had me thinking about their bucket and my bucket and how I can give of myself so that I can keep my bucket full and perhaps also fill their buckets as well.
Speaker 1:And it's unbelievable, the choices that I made and I saw that it really empowered me to feel so in control of the reactions that I have to things, the things that I choose to do, that I easily could have just not done right. Like you know little things here and there. Do I have to go out of my way to do something for someone else? If I'm gonna bring a plastic cup to the table for me to take a drink, is it such a big deal for me to bring another one and give it to someone else and be like, hey, do you need a cup? You know things that make such a big difference in the bucket filling world. So I just want to give you the opportunity now to run with it and go see what it feels like to fill a bucket.
Speaker 1:Remember, like we learned, your job is not to make sure their bucket stays full, but you can do your best to try to fill it on your own.
Speaker 1:You never know the impact it has. Sometimes you can't even tell if you filled their bucket right away or not, but it will definitely make you feel like a bucket filler, and that's the goal here. We are bucket fillers and we look at other people and recognize that if they don't act in a way that really seems very nice and the me dose department is not in check, well, that's not our job to fix them, but it's our job to realize that they're just doing that out of a place of an empty bucket, and it has nothing to do with me, because I have so many unbelievable qualities about myself. I'm not going to let it affect me. Wow, if we could do that, we will be such brave, resilient people.
Speaker 1:I just want to make a small note about something that I said in the interview. I was talking about the Dove Dove books, if you guys were listening, and I want to add that the illustrator of those books is Mrs Esky Cook, who I absolutely love, and I forgot to mention her name. She's from Baltimore and she's like. She also is a photographer and she is just such a ball of good, positive energy and she's the one who illustrated all of those pictures so many years ago, and she also illustrates so many pictures inside of the papers that your teachers might be still giving out in school today. Look in the corner. Sometimes it says E-S-K-Y Esky. That's her signature. Really interesting thing to know. Anyways, go practice being that bucket filler. Let's get ready for Matan Torah together, and I hope that everybody here can experience that feeling of Matan Torah together Ke'ish echad, b'leiv echad, with tons of achdos, and this will bring us one step closer to being ready for the geula.
Speaker 1:Everybody, I am so hoping to see you all at the Incredible Kids show. Remember incrediblekidsorg. Slash unmuted. If you get tickets to this show, I want to hear about it. Let me know Everyone. Have a wonderful day. Don't forget you're also incredible, no matter what's going on in your life. See you next time. Are you an?
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Speaker 1:Podcast. Thanks for listening and remember you are all incredible kids.
